ticci toby x reader

"Why do you care for me?"

i'm still bleeding though the bandages i hope they heal but they should've left scars by now...weird i wonder why i have to deal with this shit everyday i wish i could die if it were even possible could i hang myself and not feel it? would i feel the tight rope around my weak small neck would it only leave a red mark on my neck? would they even care...i inhaled and exhaled and looked over at Ben and asked "would you care if i died..." he looked at me shocked "i-i would care! i want you alive!! everybody wants you alive toby we care!" "no you don't your just saying that to make me feel better ben" "n-no! i'm not toby" "yes you are"

"No i'm not..." i knew when he was getting mad but i didn't really give a shit i just wanted to die see if anybody would fucking care my life has been worthless and endless i'm sick of this i lost Lyra i had no friends i was bullied and abused by my dad i killed all of my loved ones i wish Lyra was still here with me and not dead in heaven "toby...you ok?" "NO! I'M NOT!!!!!! I'M NOT OK I'M SICK OF LIVING!!!!!!!" hearing those words coming out of my mouth hurt my heart bad and it partially explained why i wasn't eating my stomach growled loudly and my stomach hurt like hell i still didn't want to eat anything i let the immense pain consume my stomach and my heart Ben looked at me almost crying and i blacked out