Broken Angel

"I love the fall." She said, twirling around as the leaves fell from the trees.

"Why?" I asked, looking down at a dead leaf on my foot.

"Because it's so beautiful." Her voice sounded faraway. "Reminds me of you."

She smiled at me. She smiled that smile. The smile the makes the butterflies in my stomach go crazy. "Made you blush." She teased. I looked back at my foot and kicked the leaf off.

"I love fall," She said, "because of all the colors. Because of how the leaves fall but just go back up in a few months and then it starts all over again. I love it because it shows that something can die beautifully. That the trees don't care about the leaves they lost, they just care about growing their new ones."

I was staring at her. She was crouching on the ground,  fingering the different leaves. Her smile had disappeared.

"Hey!" She said, jumping back up, her smile reappearing on her face. I jumped back at the sudden movement. "We should make a leaf pile."

"B-but how? We don't have a rake." I asked.

"Pfff. Who needs rakes? We can just use our hands. C'mon."

I don't remember how long it took, but our leaf pile had to be the biggest. We found bags around the park and filled them with every leaf we could find and added them to the pile. By time we were finished, it was dark.

We stood back admiring our work and for the first time I smiled a smile that almost matched hers.

"What now?" I asked, looking at her.

She laughed. "We jump in it, of course."

She grabbed my hand, which caused an electric shock run through my body, stepped back and ran. We jumped into our leaf pile together.

Leaves flew every where, but out pile was still a pile that we were buried waist deep in.

She spat leaves out of her mouth and started laughing. She had leaves tangled in her blond hair and I knew I had to have some in mine too. I felt self-consicios about it and tried to pat them out with the hand she wasn't holding.

"Here let me help." She let go of my hand and shuffled closer to me and started to take the leaves out of my hair. I could feel her cold breath on my face as she took the leaves out from the back.

"There." She said,  moving back. "Fabulous."

"I have to return the favor now, don't I?" I tried to tease her. She let out a laugh and smiled that smile again. The butterflies in my stomach seemed to be mutiplying by the second.

I moved closer and did what she did. Removing the leaves one by one then throwing them back into the pile and then brushing out the little flakes.

"There." I said, copying her. "Fabulous." I didn't move back like she did, though.

She took a deep breath and ran her fingers through my hair. She looked into my sky blue eyes making me look into her sea green ones.

I could feel the blood running to my cheeks. I wanted to look away to hide my face, but couldn't.

She bit her lip and suddenly pushed forwards. Her lips pressed against mine. I was surprised but soon closed my eyes and melted into the kiss. Her hand moved from my hair to around my neck. Her other hand wrapping around my waist,  pulling me closer. I didn't know what to do with my hands, so I just put them around her waist. The butterflies in my stomach were going to break through and my heart was going to explode. Electric shocks was constantly going through my body. I loved the feeling.

I don't know how long we stayed like that, but it wasn't long enough. When we pulled away for air, looking in each others eyes. She was smiling and so was I. "Sorry." She said.

I laughed and leaned in for another kiss. We were about to connect again when she pulled back. She was staring at something behind me with terror in her eyes. "What's wrong? " I asked.

"We have to go. Now." Her voice was stern and scared and completely serious. She grabbed my hand pulling me into a run. I didn't know what we were running from or where we were running to, but I ran beside her with no questions.

Then I tripped and fell. She helped me up, but they had already caught up.

The scene went black, but I could still hear the gunshots,  the screaming and the cries.

And the silence.

I stared up at the white ceiling of my bedroom. My body was covered in sweat and my eyes stung with tears. I let them fall down my face as I walked to the bathroom. I shut and locked the door behind me.

I stared into the mirror. My appearance had changed drastically in the last year. My long dark hair had gone short. My cheeks were sullen and I was unhealthy skinny. My face had gone pale and my lips were cracked and lost of their color. My had black circles under them and were red from crying. And my wrists had scars that were reopened a million times before and were about to once again.

I opened the cupboard and grabbed a bottle of my antidepressants. I took off the lid and poured the pills out onto the counter. I grabbed a bloodstained razor blade from the pile. I looked down at my arm, holding it over the sink I pressed into a scar with the blade. I traced the marked skin with it. It bled. It hurt. But, I knew it was nothing compared to the pain she felt that night.

I pressed in harder and went deeper at that thought. I cried and silently screamed.

I dropped the razor blade and cried over the sink letting the blood drip from my arm to the white surface.  I grabbed some of the pills on the counter and threw them in my mouth and swallowed. I turned on the water and let the cold liquid sting my fresh cuts.

I love the fall, she had said.

It reminds me of you.

The trees don't care about the leaves the lost. They just care about growing their new ones.

It shows that something can die beautifully.

Nothing can die beautifully.

Not even her