RaYa: Possessiveness

Chapter-8 Sorrow of the Past

The journey to Sharma House remains silent. She keeps on looking at him in between some intervals of minutes. He is focusing hard on driving without looking at her once. It seems as if she doesn't exist for him at the moment. He has not spoken a single word since their encounter at the changing room.  She curses herself for going through his things placed separately at the bottom drawer of cupboard. She should not have opened that. More to that she should not have read the letter. The suicide letter of his mother addressed to him. She shivers as she remembers the words of his mother to him...

Dear Ram,

I love you so much that I could not put words to it, and my having to leave has nothing to do with how much I love you. I hope you will not hate me for this. I want you to be a good person. I want you to know that happy days are always ahead. Take care of your sister. Don’t spend your days missing me, spend them living for yourself.

I think you should know that if you spend most of your days feeling as though they might be your last, by your own hand, you do things differently. Do not forget you are not invincible. Fight hard when you can, accept when you need to. What you have here is one moment in the infiniteness of life. Make it count, but don’t let it rest on your shoulders and weigh you down. Pray about things, but know that God is not one to punish. It’s okay if you’re hurting, you’re allowed.

Do not follow in my footsteps like this. I’m not doing this because I hate you or I am selfish, I am doing this because I am very sick and it is a kind of sickness that I can only ever result in this, sooner or later. I’m choosing now. This is the only answer. I can't live more with this suffocation. Life has now become a torture for me. Nights are getting longer with torture increasing with the minutes passing by. Days are more hard as I have to hide the scars of my soul. I hope and pray with every single bit of me that it will not be your answer, but if it ever is, let the people you love know that you love them.

Please try and forgive me Ram for doing this. I am sorry to leave you alone. But I can't  live with this torment going on. My blessings are always with you. Be strong and make your mamma proud of you.

Yours Mamma

Tears form in her eyes thinking about the pain he might have gotten through. She has brought his heart breaking past infront of him. She can't imagine his state right now. She remembers how he looked like a beast as he found the letter in her hands.

He snatches the letter from her hands and holds her both hands tightly. She tries to free her hands moving backwards until he back touches tge cupboard. His eyes blood red with the anger. He moves dangerously close to her pressing her hands more tightly saying "How dare you touch my things!! Don't try to invade my personal space Priya. I won't tolerate that. I know you are my wife but ours is not a normal marriage. Try and maintain a distance with me. Don't trigger the beast within me. I will end up doing something real bad" That intimidating tone of his scares her. He leaves her hand as she yelps in pain.

He turns back to leave. She tries telling him that she got it accidentally but he holds his hand in air turning back indicating her to stop. "No excuses! Now onwards don't touch my things. And that's your cupboard", pointing to the next cupboard. She wanted to yell at him but she could not thinking about his condition at that point.

He knows she is looking at him but he controls himself from looking at her back trying to focus on driving. He knows well he will fall for those innocent eyes. She is just always bringing his past infront of him. He has tried hard to forget the bad memories but they keep haunting him. And here she is triggerring the same memories from their very first night together. That actually is good. He has to be away from her. He is getting attracted towards her which he should not be. He doesn't deserve her. The beast in him could hurt her. So it's better they keep a safe distance.

..

Priya gets out of the car and gets busy in a call moving aside. Ram parks the car with much difficulty in the small place getting irritated and gets out of the car. He looks out for her and sees her near the lift. He goes straight towards her. Suddenly he collides with a middle aged man. The man apologises as Ram turns looking at him. The man gives a bit shocked expression and moves away fast wiping his sweat beads as Ram says it's okay. The other old aged man followed him who was talking to Priya a minute ago.

Ram shrugs it off and goes towards Priya who is waiting for him near the lift.

..

"We seriously need to do something about them" Niharika sounds irritated.

"I know! But what can we do.."

Door bell rings interrupting their conversation.

Rajesh goes and recieves Ram Priya with a fake smile. They actually feel it is fake. Both bend to take blessings. However he and his wife are but they are elders after all.

"Look Niharika your dearest daughter and son-in-law have come!"  Inviting them inside Rajesh alerts Niharika "She was missing Priya so much Ram beta..." Niharika joins and they greet each other. All of them settle down at the couches in the hall.

..

Ram asks about Natasha and Kartik. They inform him that they went to temple. Niharika excuses herself for bringing them snacks and asks Rajesh to accompany her.

"I thought we were finally off the burden. Kartik told she would not come but here she is"

"Talk lowly. They might hear us"

But they hear it. Ram looks at Priya whose head is hung down and tears  about to flow from her eyes but she restricts them from flowing. No he can't let her stay here and face all this.  But what can he do when coming here was her idea only and also he would need to explain Dadi.

"You wanted to come here!" He sounds irritated but she niether looks at him nor does she reply. Is she angry with him? Why should not see when he misbehaved with her? He is always doing that. He is so different with her at times. Sometimes he feels she is the one who can handle him and his disrupted life...sometimes he feels he is not worthy of her. He feels weird about his feelings about her. He is attracted towards her but he can't ruin her life by coming close to her. He is so frustrated....everything is so complicated in his life.

"Bhai!" Natasha exclaims with joy as she finds her loving brother sitting in the hall.

Ram   seeing her and gets up. Both of them hug each other. Meanwhile Kartik is surprised to see them    . He somewhere knows it must be his di who has come here for the sake of  .
Natasha moves to her room to pack her things and Kartik goes to help her.

...

Ram turns and gives a one last glance at Priya who is already looking at him ready to leave.

"Take care" he wanted to say.
"Come and take me home soon" she wanted to say.
But neither he nor she says anything.

I have a thousand things to say to you and a thousand reasons not to.

Love
A RaYa Fan