Unspoken | Nomin

💭 | thirty five

Jaemin knows the younger is just trying to make him smile but he can't. His heart just hurts so much that it's stopping him from doing it.

"Y-yangyang i-it h-hurts." Jaemin finally said, voice breaking because of nonstop crying.

Yangyang paused for a second, hearing the brunet's voice makes his heart clench. Jaemin is surely broken.

The jet black-haired heaved a deep sigh as he let go of Jaemin's hand and face then spread his arms wide instead.

"Come here." Yangyang said but the older just stayed still on the swing while staring at him with a bit of confusion. "Yah... this will not be free anymore later."

Jaemin's tears fell down again as he quickly threw himself to Yangyang, hugging him tight and burying his face on the younger's chest as he cried hard.

Yangyang didn't expect that Jaemin will throw himself to him so he lost his balance making them fall in a sitting position on the sanded ground. His legs bended up on both sides of Jaemin.

"It's alright Jaemin. Let it all out until you can't feel the pain anymore." Yangyang said in a low soothing voice, wrapping his arms protectively around Jaemin and gently caressing the brunet's soft locks.

They stayed like that for a good five minutes or more, the two males lost count of time already though. Yangyang just kept silent as he let Jaemin pour all his emotions out until he finally stopped.

Yangyang and Jaemin are now in an indian sit position on the sanded ground, back facing the swing while the brunet's head is tiredly resting on the younger's shoulder.

"Yangyang?" Jaemin finally broke the silence. His voice is now hoarser than ever. For sure sooner or later he'll lose his voice already, and it'll last for one to two days if he's not estimating it wrong.

"Hm?" Yangyang turned his head to look at the brunet but his cheek only brushed on Jaemin's soft locks.

"Have you... ever been... in love?" Jaemin asked while staring at the sand in front of him, although he can't totally open his still swollen eyes properly.

"Been... in love?" Yangyang frowned but then soon smiled as he looked up in the dark sky, remembering a specific someone. "Hmm... i don't know if it can already be considered love but I think yes?"

"How does it feel?"

"Ehh?"

"Being in love. How does it feel?"

"How does it feel..." Yangyang took a deep breath first. "I think... being in love feels like you're in a cloud nine? Oh! No no! It's like riding a roller coaster!"

"How could you say so?"

"Because like riding a roller coaster, being in love gives you mixed emotions. You might get scared at first because you haven't tried it yet. You'll be afraid to risk something. You're afraid you might get hurt. But once you're already in it... you'll discover that it is not that bad. It'll give you excitement, fear, and of course unexplainable happiness. Just like roller coaster, love have different obstacles. There are ups and downs, highs and lows, sometimes you'll feel like it's just spinning you around. You'll encounter a lot of struggles but despite of all, just like riding a roller coaster... you'll reach the end of the trail with a beautiful smile on your face, feeling so happy and satisfied. In short, you'll have a happy ending."

Yangyang smiled wide, telling himself that he did well as he finally saw Jaemin smiling but it soon faded when he noticed that it isn't the older's natural smile. It is way too different from the smile he usually sees in class.

It is a sad one.

"You're right. Being in love is like riding a roller coaster..." Jaemin said. "But I think my roller coaster ride has a tragic ending."

"Why?" Yangyang asked but the older kept silent. The jet black-haired thought Jaemin won't answer him anymore so he decided to just change the topic but the brunet started to speak again.

"Like what you've said... I felt fear at first. I'm afraid to risk something. I'm scared I might get hurt but I still tried it anyway. I felt excitement... I felt fear... but what I like on that part is I felt that unexplainable happiness. I've been on ups and downs, got spinned around, but the worse thing is..." Jaemin paused as he felt his tears prickling his eyes again.

He mentally cursed himself for crying over and over again.

"I've been on high, but got left in there... holding tight on the rail, waiting for the cart to come back and pick me up..." The brunet felt hot liquids flowing down his cheek but he didn't care that much anymore. He's hurting. That's all he just know. "...but it never came."

"Jaemin..."

"I waited and waited until i'm slowly feeling tired... and hurt at the same time. I waited until I can't hold on anymore. My hand slipped on the rail and I fell down without anyone waiting to catch me." The brunet flashed a sad smile while tears continuously flowing down his cheeks. "And now i'm broken into pieces."

"You know what's funny?" Jaemin bitterly chuckled then paused as he waited for the younger's response but Yangyang kept silent so he considered it as a permission to continue what he is saying. "It is the fact that I want to ride that roller coaster again even though I know that I might-- no, I will get hurt over again."

The older chuckled again but Yangyang find it so painful.

His heart is hurting for Jaemin.

Even though they just met a few days ago and they barely know each other, he feels like Jaemin is an amazing person. A gift that everyone is dying to ask for. An angel that is worth fighting for. But here he is... flying with his broken wings.

He thought whoever hurt Jaemin surely has no heart and soul. That person doesn't deserve someone like Jaemin.

Yangyang sighed and wrapped his arms around Jaemin again, pulling the brunet closer, giving him the warmest hug he can give.

"You're an amazing person Jaemin. You are wonderful... you're handsome. You shouldn't let others ruin you. Whoever he is that hurt you is a complete jerk. They don't deserve you Jaem."

"B-but I-I love him. I-I can't help it." Jaemin said between his sobs. "P-please m-make it s-stop."

Yangyang got a bit stunned with his sudden discovery that Jaemin has the same gender orientation as him but he soon smiled and leaned his cheek on the older's head, lovingly caressing Jaemin's arm.

"You know what?" Yangyang grinned as he carefully pushed Jaemin a bit away from him so he can see his face, drying the brunet's wet cheeks using his sweater sleeves. "Iced coffee is perfect for a burning heart."