A bi dream

Me!

Hello to whoever is reading this, I am a 17 year old male who is bi but closeted I am also from the UK. I live in a small town where nothing crazy really happens. I have many friends however I feel so different to them all, but maybe that's because since middle school I put this fake character on that I have carried with me till the end of high school and I still do. And due to me pretending to be someone I'm not I have been so cruel and so judgemental because I felt if I didn't follow the others I would be seen as different and then I would be outcasted and I would face the same hate that they gave to others and because I knew how bad it was I continued to ruin real friendships and get worse because I was so worried about what others would do to me if I started acting differently. However I'm starting to find me and starting to do what I've always wanted, I'm having a new start by going to a new college and meeting new people that I can be my true self around and I'm only being friends with people who are nice, friendly and generally good people. Because all throughout my school life I have been surrounded by bullies, homophobic's and racists and I have hated all this hate and pain that was created due to these people. Other things to know about me is that I'm an aspiring actor and I'm hoping to be successful so that I can help more and more people as all I want to do is spread so much love and joy because I've seen how hate affects people and I never want to see that ever again. So onto me being bi I would say I've know since being 13 however I've always suppressed it and I don't even know why because I know if I came out to my family they would be totally fine because my mums sister is also gay and my family have never had any problems with anyone who's LGBTQ+ so there's no fear there but I just don't feel like coming out like I'm happy like this but then again when I see a hot guy or something I can never talk to someone about it so that's like a big pain but also I could never have a boyfriend just in case someone was to find out.
So this is a little bit about me I will try to update more stuff about me and my life and struggles so if you have any questions please ask.