Miserable At Best- Iridescent One Shot

Miserable At Best

*2000*

*Dream Flashback*
The couple laid on the couch cuddled close together.  "I love you, Cams," Mike said weakly cuddling closer into her chest.

"I love you too, babe," Mila replied placing a kiss to his forehead. 

"I'm happy you're mine," He told her sleepily causing her to smile.  "I never want to be without you."

"You never will be.  Go to sleep for now," She said kissing his forehead again.  "I'll wake you up when I'm going to bed."
*End Dream Flashback*

Mike's eyes shot open.  This had been what felt like the hundredth time he has had this same dream almost every night since the start of the tour.  Dreaming of her should make him happy, but it didn't.  It made him depressed and angry towards himself. 

One year.  Three hundred and sixty-five days.  Fifty-two weeks and a shit ton of hours, minutes and seconds.  That's how long it had been since he had made what will go down as the worst mistake of his life.  That's how he had been measuring time since it happened.  How long had it been since he had been truly happy last?  There had been times where he had gotten close, but nothing like when he was with Mila.  Granted in the year that they had been broken up Mike had been increasingly busy.  Between the writing and studio time, photo shoots, interviews, live shows and now touring, his time had been taken up.  Regardless though, not every second of someone's time can be filled and that's when his mind would be spent bringing back memories to the forefront.  It came to the point where Mike seriously thought he was going crazy. 

His hands rubbed his face as he sighed softly enough to not wake up anyone around him.  The dream tonight was the most common one he would have.  It was one he didn't necessarily mind and truthfully he would rather have this one than the other.  Not long after he had broken up with Mila, Mike began having dreams of that night.  Nothing was off limits in the dream.  Every cry and plead were there.  Every tear that cascaded down her face in full view.  That was the dream he absolutely hated having.  It was hard enough to live through it once in real life and have the memory of it that consumed him at times, but to have it be in a dream when you should be able to sleep to escape your issues is another problem within itself.  Those were the nights he wouldn't even try to go back to sleep.  He just couldn't.  Mostly out of fear that it would happen again.

The guys closest to the pair had noticed little things with Mike happening.  Whenever they would be the one to share a room with him, they were aware he never stayed sleeping through the night.  Whatever had caused him to wake up had caused the guy to be shaken up and upset, but never once would he say what it was.  Besides that, they had become aware of the pictures he kept under his pillow on his bunk.  Brad had been the first to see them and when he had he showed Rob.  Both had known that their oldest friend in the band missed Mila and this just proved how much.  There weren't many people they knew who had broken up with someone and then carried pictures of past memories of that relationship.  It was no secret that Mike regretted what he had done, but it almost seemed like he was self-sabotaging himself for that mistake.  Not once since the break-up had he allowed himself to get over or come to terms with it.  He just lived in darkness of her no longer being there.  It was hard for them to see.

What the closest of friends didn't know, besides the dreams, was how many times Mike would reach for his phone to try and make things right.  Each time he would it was behind a blocked number to keep himself and his heart hidden.  There would be times she would pick up and if he felt brave he would let her know who it was.  Other times it would go right to voicemail.  Those would be the times he would redial just to hear her voice. "Hi, it's Mila.  I can't come to my phone right now.  Please leave me a message and I'll get back to you.  Thanks!"  That's what would play in his ear over and over until it hurt too much to hear.  Maybe by him doing this is what caused even more than the dreams to occur.