Playing With Fire

Maybe It's Okay to Cry

Sorry, I know I haven't uploaded in a long, long, LONG time but hey, life's hectic... nnd thats Jadein -->

I hugged my mum tightly and started whispering encouraging words like "It'll be okay." I think it was more to myself than to her.

After about five minutes of standing in the doorway and hugging, my mum gently pushed me away and smiled, wiping away her tears. "Anyway, better hurry up and unpack. We missed you, hun." She grabbed my suitcase and started walking towards my room, which I have never been in.

"Mum, it's alright. I can take them myself." I stopped her, taking the cases from her hands. She gave me a slight smile before going into the kitchen.

"When you're done, come down for dinner!" She called out when I was at the top of the stairs. Skye came out of her room and leaned on the door frame. She smiled and pointed to the room across the hall from hers. I sighed heavily and trudged to the room.

It was so simple. White walls, a bed, a desk and a mirror. There was a small walk-in closet in the corner.

"We didn't know what you wanted your room to look like so we didn't touch it." Skye said from her room. I pursed my lips, knowing I would need to get a job in order to change my room.

I looked it over once more before getting to the unpacking part of my day.

_

Skye and I were standing by the dining table, waiting for my mum to finish saying grace. I wasn't very religious but my mum was.

As soon as we sat down, apart from the clanking of the silverware, silence filled the room. After about ten minutes of nothing, my mum cleared her throat.

"So, Fire... How was... Juvie in England?" I dropped my fork and it made a loud clattering sound as it collided with my half-empty plate. Skye stopped eating to stare at me. I let out a long breath and picked up my fork again. Skye went back to eating.

"It was fine, mother." I saw my mum flinch from the corner of my eye. She hated it when I called her mother. It seemed like I was angry or something. "As fine as it could be in a place where murderers and thieves under eighteen go." I took a fierce bite out of my steak. I was mad at my mum. Why did she have to send me away? I didn't do anything that bad. Just... multiple vandalism and maybe a few street races. Nothing absolutely horrible.

I watched my mum chew and swallow. "Well, anyway, honey, you'll need to get a job if you want to change your room. Oh, and school starts up again in a week. I can buy you all the school stuff but no way am I going to buy posters and paints." She paused. "Skye will show you around. I heard she knows everyone there." I nodded.

When I was finished eating, I put the plate in the sink and walked out of the room. "Oh, Fire, one more thing!" I heard my mum and paused before returning. "You can't be like you were." She said, warningly. "To help you out with that, you're to wear glasses and braids at all times. Study a lot. Fire, please don't make any scenes." So, basically, she wanted me to be a nerd. Great. I nodded and left.

The rest of the night, I was in my room, crying. If my dad wouldn't have died, we would've never moved to this shit hole. My dad has always been more of a by-the-beach person but my mum was born here, in Jerome, and always wanted to come back here some day. So, obviously, with my dad gone, she took the chance.

I wasn't crying because we moved or anything. I was crying because the last time I saw my dad was a year ago. Telling him that I hate him for letting mum send me away.

I was also crying because last time I saw Andrew, he was in jail, telling me that I would end up like him one day. I told him I would never go to jail. I would never even go to juvie. That I was nothing like him... but I guess I was wrong.

And last but not least, I was crying because Max was the only one that supported me and held me when I got my first heartbreak, when my best friend died. He taught me how to ride a bike with no handlebars, how to fly a kite. He was the best big brother ever. And now he was gone.

The three men in my family are gone. Now there's only three lonely women.

I don't usually cry but maybe, just maybe, it's okay to cry right now.