Express Yourself

Chapter 1

Here is Chapter 1!

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(Not edited)

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April 18, 2006

(Anna-10 years old)

Flashback

"Ready or not, here I come!" I heard my dad shouting, after counting up to 30.

Giggling silently, I try not to make a lot of noises as he starts looking for me, "Now, where is that little princess?"

I was hiding inside a closet downstairs, leaving the door a little bit open so I can see if he's coming this way, and I can hear that he's getting closer.

"Anna," said my dad in a singing voice, "where are you?"

Not being able to hold it any longer, I start laughing hysterically. Unfortunately, as I was laughing, I didn't hear my daddy open the door of the closet until I heard him saying, "There's my princess!"

Screaming in delightful, I jumped into his arms laughing as he spins me around the house.

(End of Flashback)

I sighed sadly, as I remember the time when I used to play hide and seek with my dad, which happened eight years ago when I was only 10 - three years before his death.

Spinning around in my chair, in my studio-which used to be my dad's office, thinking on what to write next to my journal, but I couldn't come up with anything. It's like my mind just went totally blank.

Stopping at my desk, I dropped my pen onto the journal and closed it. Placing my head in my hands, I took a deep breathe and exhale loudly. Why can't I come up with anything? I thought to myself bitterly as I feel tears forming in my eyes that want to fall down like a waterfall.

Closing my eyes, preventing them from falling, I heard a knock on my door and then I hear my mother's voice, "Sweetie, can I come in?"

I cleared my throat as I wiped the painful tears away and said, "Yeah, mom."

Hearing the door being opened and closed, I can feel my mom coming towards me and places her hands on my shoulders, "Thinking about your dad again?" she asked me. I nodded as I kept on wiping the tears and taking deep breathes.

"Just," I started saying, trying not to choke in my own tears, "remembering how I used to play hide-and-seek with dad around the house downstairs."

She just squeezed my shoulders, chuckling, "Ah yes, I remember that as well." And then she knelt down next to me, caressing my hair, "You were the prettiest ten-year-old girl, and now that you're 18-almost 19-you've gotten even more beautiful than ever."

Laughing softly, I said, "That I am," and whispered the last part, "only I wish dad could see that as well."

"And he is, Anna," she exclaimed softly, "even if he's not here with us anymore, he is still watching over us up in heaven." I stayed quiet, trying to let her words sink in but my conscience wouldn't let me, to be the person that I really want to be one day.

Standing up from my chair, startling my mom a little bit, yelling, "But it's not the same!" and went towards the other side of my studio, leaning against the wall, sobbing. "Anna, I..." she trailed off but I still didn't let her finish, "Mom if you got nothing else to say, you may go. I'm sorry for talking like this but I just want to be alone right now."

Sighing in defeat, she said, "Ok," and then felt her coming towards me, "but there was a reason why I came up here which, of course, can wait till lunch." After saying that, she kisses the top of my head and walks out. And as soon as the door was closed, I let myself drown in my own tears and grieve for my father.

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Finally done!

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Gabriela