I took my pills on time for once in my pathetic life, and it was so torturous. Ashton hasn't been here for a week since I've actually confronted him. I've sent him a shitload of texts asking for him to come over, and on Sunday he wasn't at the support group, and to be completely honest it was scaring the shit out of me. He was the only person there for me, and now he's gone missing. I've been aching and hurting and thinking that maybe if I overdose everything will be okay.
But I can't take that risk, the electric shock therapy may even kill me. Kill me and take my soul and emotion and conscience and I'll become a walking travesty; a zombie. I can't risk that, though in all honesty what do I have to lose.
One morning, well, afternoon. I woke up around 2ish on weekends. I heard a knocking on my door, and I panicked in happiness hoping it's that curly headed perfection I fell in love with.
It wasn't him.. It was Luke. And for once, I didn't spat in his face and tell him to piss off.
My breathing stop in the multiple seconds we made eye contact. "Luke.." I breathed, finally. He cleared his throat. "Sorry, just came to see how you've been.. with your meds."
"I'm good." I looked down. Not uttering another word to him. There was nothing to tell, and after how shit he's been treating me, and I him, there isn't any way he'd understand anyways.
"Okay.. Well I'll be off then, see you at the bus stop." He muttered and walked off. I only allowed him to walk off my porch before I decided to call his name, and invited him inside. I needed someone, and he said he'd save me. And right now, I was dying and I needed a savior, and for the moment, my super man wasn't there.
--
"Do you like the Pretty Little Liars?" I asked before turning it on. Luke nodded, "Yea but.. I should get going soon." And he stood up, fixing up his clothes.
We spend most of that day eating and going over my pill schedule and talking about TV shows we liked and the music we both liked. And surprising enough Luke wasn't a complete asshole. He was pretty cool, and less mysterious when he's actually hanging out and laughing and shit. His smile was pretty nice too.
As much I wanted him to stay, I let him walk out the door. And I guess that was all I needed for the night. It's been the first night in months I could fall asleep without grasping my pillow, wanting someone to hug me. And then I fell soothingly to sleep.
--
"Morning, Michael." Luke said, as I met him at the bus stop. He was occupied on his phone when I got there, so not much attention was put on me, but more on the game he was playing. I plugged up my headphones to my phone and began listening to all time low. Luke didn't hesitate to take a earbud for himself and stick it I his ear. I just smiled and let him. We were listening to Therapy right before it was our stop.
"Ya know, I think actually sticking to your schedule, is working okay for you." Luke said before walking off. Truth is, I wasn't okay. Not that it mattered much to him. To be honest, I don't know what mattered to him. He came out of nowhere throwing me warnings of my impending doom. Was this it? Was he telling me about this? This torture and this pathetic excuse of a life I'm forced to live. He couldn't of said something in context?
I hung out with Calum again during class, I didn't communicate as much as usual due to my anti-socialness and simply, I just didn't want to talk. But mostly because I still remember our last conversation, and how everything he said is happening, and how he was right, and I guess I fail to comprehend that I was wrong. Too much of a coward to believe.
I met Luke on the bus home, and he smiled up to me. I couldn't help but notice a layer of scruff beginning to grow on his chin and jaw, and that he changed his lip ring to a solid black. "Hey, Michael." He said happily.
And that lead to another thought, why was he so damn happy all the sudden? I guess the fact I was hospitalized pleased him.. I feel like he's a piece of shit sadist mocking my life. And I wonder how many other people were his victims, but none the less, he was all I had until Ashton returned.
I took a seat next to him and looked out the window. "Can we listen to music?" He asked. I shook my head slightly. "No." And he didn't argue, god bless. But then I felt bad for some reason... So I invited him to mine again. He happily accepted.
Even though in the moment you couldn't tell under my bagged eyes and crooked smile, but I was happy that he was able to be in my presence longer than normal.
--
"Take your shoes off, make yourself at home." I smiled and sat down on the couch, kicking my shoes off, and turning on the TV. He joined me on the the couch, but sat on the opposite side. I ended up with my laptop on my lap and Luke hovering over me, as we watch DanAndPhilGames on YouTube. And when it hit 9:04 Luke decided it was time for him to go.
My heart immediately began to ache at the thought of Ashton leaving at the same time. "No..." I was barely about to get out since I was choked up. "You can't just leave. Why do you guys always leave? At this time, the time I need you."
"Michael-"
"I'm not okay, It's not alright. Don't go, I-I need someone, and you're the only one I have left okay? Those pills aren't working and I'm just I'm falling to pieces."
I rambled on, and he walked over and sat down next to me again. I then felt embaressed and began wiping the tears with my sleeve. He sat there akwardly as well, continueing to watch my TV.
Which was all I need. I wanted his company.
He moved closed and wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me close to him, I just pushed my head against his chest and sniffled. And we laid there for a good while before someone began to speak.
"Michael.." Luke whispered, and I just looked up at him with my horrific blood shot eyes. "I never break a promise... I'm going to save you."
I began to breathe easier, knowing atleast someone was making an attempt to preserve my existence.
"I'll stay as long as you want me to, alright?" He asked, and laid us both down on the couch.
His touch was different from Ashton's. Ashton's snuggles were like a vivid dream, and Luke's were just geniunely real, and that scares me shitless aswell. But, in this moment, I was just glad he gave a fuck after the babbling and tomfoolery.
YOU ARE READING
my happy little pill. » muke
Random"Friends so fake I might as well be schizophrenic." "Oh, yea."
