right here waiting for you • jicheol

RHWFY

Warning:
pure English, boring too ( I think )
Hanggang one shot na lang talaga ako pft. May naglabas kasi diyan so labas na din ng kung ano ano. Tagal na nito sa drafts ko.

seungcheol

I put down the plate of food on the table behind his small frame. He kept looking at the door, fidgeting and giving glances at the open window as if he was waiting for someone.

"Ji, eat your lunch," I called.

He didn't even glance. His eyes were still glued to the door, waiting for someone I know will surely never come. I bit my lip as my eyes mistified.

"When do you think Choi Seungcheol will come home? He promised he'll come home early," he asked.

I didn't answer, I couldn't. I couldn't answer. Like it always did, the guilt rendered me speechless.

I swallowed hard. "He'll be here soon," I talked, almost a whisper. With Jihoon being all ears when it comes to ‘his man’, I knew he heard me.

"I'll eat lunch when he comes home," he said.

I went beside him and sat. The urge to hold him tight in my arms was strong that I had too literally grip the sofa covers to the point of boring them a hole.
"He'll be home at dinner, wanna wait until then? Seungcheol won't like it if you won't eat your lunch. You have to eat now, Ji," I tried to lie, putting much effort to make it sound worrisome.

He pouted. He played with the hem of his shirt as he spoke. "That was what you said yesterday and the day before yesterday and the days before it, but I didn't get to see him."

I closed my fists tight. The first thing that came to my mind was to scream at myself and second was to cry in frustration and regrets. I remained motionless for a moment to calm myself. Then, plastered a smile, putting all effort I have to make it seem...true.

"Because you asked a lot of questions when I was trying to feed you. Seungcheol doesn't like it when you ask and ask and ask about him. Maybe that's why he didn't show up," I lied, for the millionth time.

His face saddened. He looked up at me with his teary eyes. He didn't know how much strength I'd willed to push down the lump in my throat.

"Then, he won't show up today because I asked a lot of questions already?," he asked, more like a conclusion. The hurt in his voice felt like needles, puncturing and piercing on my skin.

I shook my head. "Maybe. Maybe not," I answered. I put my hand on his hair and messed it. He whined, making me chuckle. "Come on, eat. If he finds out you've eaten your meals, maybe he'll kiss you tonight on you sleep."

His face brightened. "Okay!"

I WATCHED at how his face frowned as he slept. His arms kept tight the only bear on his bed, Ice Cream he called it. His lips pursed as if his dreams were unpleasant. I just watched.

Maybe, people find it freaky. But I couldn't help but watch his face and admire how beautiful he was in his peaceful slumber. Even though pain never left my chest while I was staring, I still continued. I didn't want to spend my time to worthless things anymore, Jihoon is more important than anything in the world already. I wouldn't trade this for anything.

I leaned and kissed his forehead. I breathed in the scent of his hair. My heart jumped as I smelt home, sweet vanilla and cinnamon, Jihoon.

"C-Cheol?," I heared him whispered.

Looking down at him, I smiled. "Hi, baby," I greeted.
He smiled sleepily. He opened his arms as if he wanted a hug, so I did hug him, earning faint giggles. His warmth warmed my aching heart. Somehow, the breaking pieces of my chest felt like they were kept by his strong embrace.

"I had a bad dream," he whined.
"Hm?"

I could feel his arms tightening around me. He looked up at me with his natural teary eyes. "You left me for someone else and never came back. I was waiting for you and hoped that you'll change your mind. For years, it seemed that you didn't. You didn't come home to me, MyCheol," he cried. "I-I was afraid. When h-hyung said you wouldn't come home if I don't eat, I was scared. I thought m-my nightmares every night will happen," he sobbed.

I froze right at the moment. My mind went blank, as well as my beating heart. For a second, I thought I was falling in a deep, dark well until I slammed down hard, painfully, on a ground. Then it started raining, my vision blurred and my cheeks were wet. My stomach churned as guilt climbed up its way in all of my senses.

I hugged him as tight as I could. I didn't want him to see my tears, I didn't want him to know why.

"I'm sorry," I mouthed on his hair. My heart was twisting in pain. The only reason it was still intact was the love that I knew will always be with Jihoon alone.

"Pain is not something that should be kept here," he spoke as he held on my chest.

I hugged him tighter. My heart suddenly raced when I heard and understood what he said. I was afraid. I knew, this was the time he was sane and perfectly fine.

"Why it only comes to me at night, I don't know. But I am happy each time I remember the pain and the fact that you regret every choices you made in the past. Choi Seungcheol, don't be like me," he paused, tapping on my chest, "Don't keep the pain and agony, you'll end up being mad, either mad-angry or mad-crazy and neither sounds good in my ears." He chuckled. He tried pulling away but I kept him tight on my chest. "Don't be a coward. Don't lie to me again. And try facing the truth. Maybe if you do, I can too. When I get better, maybe, just maybe, we can continue what our hearts started and go further."

My shoulders shook as I cried. I was suddenly thankful he opened the topic this time. Not like the past nights, when he brushed off all painful memories we had and pretended he had forgotten everything.

"I'll try. I'll try."

"Good. Now let's start by keeping me away from believing that I'm still waiting."

——
Ran

Nasa rpa ko to. Pasensya na kung may maling grammar, hindi ko na prinoof read, katamad.

#jicheolwalangtitibag