the second last ending

seven - i can't believe what's happening

I twist my hands nervously as I wait for his answer, and finally, he says, "No."

===

After the feast, I walk with Sirius into an empty classroom and make sure that the door is locked so we can talk.

"Sirius, is this really a good idea? I mean, think of it. We broke up with Marlene and Mitch at around the same time and now that school starts we might be together? What would they think? Marlene would absolutely hate me. And there's the much bigger problem of the war. I know nobody's saying it out loud, but everybody knows that it's coming," I fret fidgeting my hands.

Sirius puts his hands on my shoulders as he looks me straight in the eye.

"Rose, I want to be with you because I like you. I don't care what McKinnon and Powell think. Because of the war, I want to be with you, because I don't know and nobody knows when any of us will die. Come on, what do you say?"

I smile at him and say, "As dramatic as that was, you're right."

And I'm absolutely over the moon.

===

"Marls, we can't do this if you won't look at the camera!" Dorcas chides indignantly.

Marlene, however, does not listen to her in her crazed laughter that seems unable to stop. She's doubled over, one hand clutching her waist while the other slaps her knee like she's a mute seal. She's laughing so dangerously so that only wheezes are coming out of her now. I swear there are actual tears coming out of her eyes.

Em steals the occasional glance at what Marlene is laughing at, which is the beautiful and wonderful scene of the Giant Squid waving a shrieking Marina Moriarty in its tentacles. Her lips are pressed tightly together as she attempts to pull herself together with as much grace she can muster in an effort not to join Marlene.

Lily looks amused while Dorcas, extremely exasperated, takes the picture anyway.

"Alright, you've all taken long enough. It's our turn to have a go at this!" James yells, pushing us aside.

Sirius' arm rests on Pettigrew's shoulder as his hair blows in the wind like he's gotten his own personal fan. He really does look like a model.

James attempts to do a cartwheel, levitated in the air, while Dorcas takes the picture. Remus looks very tired at all of them, but he still smiles fondly.

"JAMES POTTER!" Dorcas screams, raising her voice for once.

Everyone is alarmed by it, so James stands still. However, I'm unsurprised when he puckers up his lips and confetti bursts out of the tip of his wand right as Dorcas clicks the button.

"I give up!" Dorcas declares, throwing the printed out pictures at them. As the Marauders roar with laughter and head on upstairs, I see that one is left behind.

I pocket it silently and go to my dormitory as well.

I trace my wand around the outline of one of the floorboards, and I see it become detached. I pry open the wooden plank, and waiting for me is a picture of my family and two extra frames. I slide the pictures inside of them and quickly place the board back.

-- 1979 --

I joined the Order of the Phoenix, along with the Marauders and my entire dorm.

Marlene thankfully didn't react badly when she found out about Sirius and I. She was just very happy for me, but a part of me knew that if my mother hadn't died two months ago, she would've acted differently.

Remus and I were still great friends. I eventually told him about me fancying him for a while, and he teased me relentlessly.

Much to everybody's shock, James and Lily got together after James really listened and began to act less of a dickhead. In fact, they had just gotten engaged a few weeks ago.

Em matured a lot, and she became an elegant, successful figure that I especially envied. The amount of grace and class she carried with every step she took was very intimidating.

Dorcas married some bloke named Liam Saunders. I personally didn't like him, but Dorcas was in love. Later on, in our fifth year, she became very good friends with Piper Callaway, some half-banshee from Hufflepuff.

Sirius broke up with me a year after the year we joined the Order. He told me that he really didn't think he could care for me as much as I did for him and that he was very, very sorry. 

When I asked Marlene, she recalled that when he broke up with her, he had said he had begun to feel things for someone else. I really wished I hadn't asked Marlene, because I just felt worse. I'd be lying if I said I handled it well, because I didn't.

I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him, but he wanted to be free. I suppose I couldn't expect him to be anchored to me forever. As much as I didn't want to, I had to let go eventually.

We all joined the Order because of the war that was stirring. I became an Auror along with many others. Unlike others, I was trained to become a spy. When I turned 18, I joined the Death Eaters, but under a different name and a different face. 

I was Vanessa Fenwick, a ruthless and strong supporter of the Dark Lord. Everything was going along just fine, and nobody suspected me one bit. I wasn't in You-Know-Who's inner circle, because he'd most definitely find out the truth about me, but I was fairly trusted, and many feared me.

In Hogwarts, I was a little messy and emotional. I didn't always obey the rules, and I cared almost too much for people.

When it hit me that there really was a war, I changed. I strictly followed all orders and shut away most of my emotions. I didn't show any feelings of anger or loss when I found out that my friends were being killed or were already killed. At least, Vanessa Fenwick didn't.

Until they killed Benjy.

I found out which Death Eaters were sent out for that mission and did what Vanessa Fenwick would do. 

I only told James what I was going to do. He didn't exactly approve of it, but he promised not to tell a single soul.

After I realized how much damage I'd caused, I didn't have time to mourn for myself or for Benji. I didn't have time to say good-bye to my friends. I didn't have time to tell everybody what I was going to do.

I had to disappear.