Crushing

Drama class

Sitting still and plastering a smile on my face as I clearly was not happy seemed to come as the norm for me. Like being able to fake a smile was just a gift given to me at birth. It made other people happy so why shouldn't it make me I thought as Mr Lake (our drama teacher) told us to smile as wide as we could for Fridays performance. Of course I was given the part where I had to sing which I also clearly couldn't do, the production was the classic "Grease" and I was Sandy. We had dress rehearsals all week until the final rehearsal in the morning until the big performance with lights, a stage and sweaty actors on stage.
"Jane!", Lana said calling me as she ran over in her tight dress that suited her with blue sequins, I was wearing the same dress but I rather wasn't.
"Yes?" I replied to her curious.
"Your dress is undone, want me to do it up for you?" She asked kindly. I nodded. Fat was sticking out everywhere like flabber in places that made me feel self conscious. I had always been the "skinny" one of the group bit looking back and at now I always know my grinds are lying to me. I have always been rather beefy but so beefy I have 6 necks and my stomach as round as if I were pregnant, no. I was more of big thighs, fatter arms, fairly small stomach but still big at the same time and a little back fat. Mostly, I get, "no your super skinny!, look at me I'm massive (these are the skinniest most attractive pretty girls ever saying this)". And to be honest it's hard to believe people because you know they're lying. It's like telling a dog it's good but then telling everyone it's the worst dog ever. It gets tough at times because they ask why I'm so big and they never understand that being sad makes you want more food and it's a coping method. A bad, unsafe coping method. I'm way better at helping others than myself. Probably another gift I suppose.
"Thanks Lana" I said giving her a hug as she instantly threw her arms around me.
"Anyday" she said squeezing me.

40 mins later

"Jane! Why aren't you smiling? Hon what's wrong? You will get wrinkles!" Squirmed Mr Lake. He has never been good at talking to others than telling them what to do and how to act. Practically my mum in a mans body.
"Sorry sir", I replied putting on the happiest smile I could as he looked at me In relief.
Erik stood there. So handsome. I MEAN! Attractive? Ughhhh. He was so perfect in Everyway possible. Tall, muscly, dark black hair swivelled to the side, the most heart racing smile and blue eyes. He looked at me and smiled with a small wave as I turned as red as a stop sign and waved back nervously. He just chuckled and grinned at me. Ahhhh knowing the fittest boy in school since you were 2 is a biggg advantage. But obviously he is more into the skinny, pretty, mean blondes in the school. Like Kady. Now she was the meanest of them all. The bitchiest of them all. If she asked a mirror who the most annoyingly annoying was the mirror would say, "you, you fake ass Barbie bitch". And I'm it overreacting either. (Even her boobs are fake! Let alone her personality).But of course as time goes on the female Satan makes me life worse.