The Ebb & The Flow (Boy x Boy)

Chapter 9: Barricades

"I-I don't want to do this to you." He said suddenly, shaking his head.

       I was a little stung by what he'd said. What did he mean by that? My eyebrows were capable of asking questions on their own. And he'd spoken again.

"You aren't okay right now Wyatt." He said simply, seeming to be lost for words.

       Did he think I was dirty? Had he liked me until I was deflowered by my rapist? I shuddered as I got up shakily, holding onto myself on the verge of tears. He was right. I wasn't okay. I just didn't know how.

"I-" He began, being cut off by the doorbell.

        I didn't feel comfortable in his presence at the moment so I spun on my heels and went to answer the door. I answered the door, seeing really good friend of mine. Well he was more so like a childhood crush turned older brother over the years.

"How are you?" He asked, inviting himself inside as he'd normally done.

"Where is your Pa and Sherri?" He asked, probably having noticed their absence.

"At the hospital. And with Sam. I'm fine." I replied as we entered the kitchen. He looked over my head as we sat at the breakfast table.

"Who is he?" Cruz asked, eyes turning serious, his accent coming back. It was something that happened when he was particularly prickly.

      It was likely he'd heard what happened to me from my father. He always announced his visits. He was a man of meticulous detail. He was a little off today. Clothing was flawless as always but his hair seemed as if hands had roamed through them. He was more emotive than usual as well.

"He's..." I began, my voice trailing off when his lips twitched into a small smirk.

"A boyfriend mi amor?" He'd questioned, teasing evident in his tone.

      He was trying to be bubbly in an attempt to distract me or make me feel better. He was normally a man of few words. I risked a glance back at River, seeing he seemed uncomfortable.

"I don't know." I sighed.

"Well. I'll be visiting regularly. You know why." He sighed, pulling out his phone and grimacing at something.

"Your dad?" I asked.

       He nodded yes, gaze empty. His step father was always breathing down his back about his sexuality. Here was the only place he could be himself without fear of being outed.  His brother had been here overnight and left early in the morning. His father would always ask me about how Cruz's visits went. I learned that it was to see what Cruz was doing.  And him being like a brother to me I lied to his father for his safety. His father liked me and my family a lot. So I had more passes when it came to who I had feelings for.

"I'll tell him you've been here if he asks." I assured him, resting a hand atop his balled up fist.

"Thank you." He sighed, getting up.

     Cruz however made it a point of his to harass poor River before he'd left though.

"I'm Cruz. You are?" He asked, stepping into the living room, extending a hand out to River who looked like he was about to soil his pants. Cruz could be intimidating based on just looks. But he was always kind and gentle when around me.

"R-river Moore." River replied shakily, gaining a small smirk from Cruz who shook his hand.

"I like him." Cruz said bluntly, turning to leave.

       I felt my body heat up with embarrassment as I followed him to the door.

"We'll go down to the beach or something soon. I'm here for you mi amor." Cruz told me as he paused outside the door.

       I simply nodded, as he left, heading to the driveway where he'd parked. Closing the door I heaved a sigh, not quite wanting to face River again. Was he casting some sort of judgement for what had happened? I idled around in the foyer trying to calm down. Then a thought hit me like a train. Being the person he was he probably felt awkward too. Adjusting my clothing I went back to the living room. River looked a little guilty.

"I-i'm sorry. That came out wrong." He'd apologized, eyes seemingly pleading with me for forgiveness.

"What did you mean?" I asked simply, honestly not ready for what answers I could get.

"You were..." He began, his voice trailing off.

"I don't want to force anything on you and its so fresh." He said thoughtfully.

"But what if its something I want from you?" I challenged quietly, instantly getting a blush as he squirmed in his seat.

"W-what do you want from me?" He stammered as I drew closer, my confidence coming back. He could help me forget.

          Could I tell him I wanted him as a distraction? That felt wrong. I'd been interested in seeing where things went with him prior to last night. What could have changed that?

"To see where things could go." I replied, my response not my best.

"I don't want to hurt you Wyatt. In any way." River attempted, his words stinging. I didn't want his or anyone's pity. I just wanted things to go back to normal.

       I felt angry and insulted that he thought so little of me.

"You do think i'm dirty don't you?" I asked, wincing internally at how bitter my tone was.

"No I never said..." He replied, but I cut him off.

"I think you should go River." I sighed calmly, the hurt in his eyes something that hurt me too.

"I'm sorry Wyatt." He tried, getting up anyway.

"I'll see you at school tomorrow." I sighed, wanting him to know I wasn't wanting to rip his face off or anything.

      I was upset with him. But I couldn't bring myself to be angry at this big puppy dog of a boy. Even though he just made me feel like shit.

"O-okay." He stammered as I saw him out. He made his way out into the drizzle outside.

       I didn't want to be alone. I gazed after him from a small window near the door. He did the same though I doubt he saw me; simply gazing at our house.

"You're a fuck up Wyatt." I sighed, slipping down the door down to the floor.

      That dirty feeling came crawling back. I'd showered maybe three times since i'd been back home. I felt repulsed in my own skin. I rushed upstairs to my bathroom, slamming the door shut as I began stripping my clothes off, careful not to catch sight of myself in the mirror. I hadn't done so since getting back. I knew I looked rough from the way people studied just my face. I don't think I could stomach seeing myself yet. I hopped in the shower, not caring if I was frozen by the cold water. I cleaned and scrubbed and scrubbed some more. All until I felt clean enough. I dressed after I dried off, heading for my room. Everything was crashing down on me as it had been since it happened. I'd feel fine for a few minutes before I got to thinking.

       I had something taken from me. I felt virginity was something that should be given to someone you cared about. And that monster took it from me by force. I could still hear the gruff sounds of his moans as he forced himself onto me over and over. Until I blacked out from pain and he continued to have his way with my body. He couldn't be caught right away as he used a condom; careful with what atrocity he'd committed. So the man who did this to me could still be wandering around free. When he should have been punished.

       I curled up in bed, feeling emotion overtake me again. I'd cried so much my voice was sore. And when I was wracked by sobs no more tears would fall. Could I even go to school? I felt like shit. But a small positive thought somehow came out atop the sea of negative. It was normal. I needed normal. I needed distractions.

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A/N: Its kind of short. Honestly I hated doing this to Wyatt. Even though I knew it was coming. And poor River. He's so awkward. But so precious. How are you all liking this story too by the way?

 Q: Who's your favorite character so far?

A: My favorite is actually Joshua. I like how fun-natured he is.