ᴀғғᴇᴄᴛɪᴏɴ-ʟᴇss | ᴍᴀʀᴋʜʏᴜᴄᴋ [ᴇᴅɪᴛɪɴɢ]

3

"Are you angry at us?"

Donghyuck's smile froze, and his hand hovered above the movie he was going to tap on. The trailer began playing, and the quiet sound of the music echoed in the silent room. Even though everything was frozen for Donghyuck, Johnny kept brushing his hand through his hair gently, pulling apart any tangled pieces of hair. He was waiting for an answer.

Honestly, Donghyuck shouldn't have been as surprised as he was. Of course, Johnny would've noticed his unusual behaviour. Donghyuck would normally be all over Johnny, jumping into him whenever he had the chance and hugging him for comfort. Donghyuck had suddenly stopped all of that, and it had even come down to avoiding eye contact. If no one had noticed, then that would be more shocking. 

Johnny knew Donghyuck was acting out of character, silently eating his food, leaving the room without making a rude remark, or just simply staying away from them the whole day. It was odd, but he didn't want to ask about it. Especially since he had seen Taeil and Doyoung spend the night with Donghyuck, resulting in the younger waking up with puffy eyes (which no one questioned) and a sick figure. He was clearly disturbed, but Johnny thought by asking him what was wrong, it would make things worse.

And that was his mistake.

He should've asked.

"I'm not angry," Donghyuck replied in a quiet voice, locking the tablet and tucking it away, trying his best to do it as slowly as possible, so that he could avoid the rest of the conversation (though he knew if he just cooperated with Johnny, things would end more smoothly). He shuffled around on the bed, but a hand kept him caged to the bed, restricting his movement as if Johnny was making sure a wild animal wouldn't escape.

"Then why have you been avoiding us?" Johnny asked, his eyes finally finding Donghyuck's, and the younger could see the confusion in them. He felt guilt bubble inside him as he caught a glimpse of sadness in his eyes. The tension between them was thick enough to be cut, and Donghyuck wanted whatever this was to end quickly.

"You guys always push me away," Donghyuck finally replied, lowering his gaze and taking a deep breath, knowing that he would say next would determine how Johnny would treat him afterwards. He could either mess this up and ruin his relationship with the older, or he could spill his feelings out in a neat manner, allowing Johnny to check through them carefully, and be able to help him.

Before Johnny could reply, Donghyuck continued.,

"I know you guys don't mean to," Donghyuck gulped down the lump of fear he had been holding in his throat, and then took a few seconds to collect his thoughts, trying to find the best way to word things, "At least some of you don't."

Donghyuck didn't want Johnny to feel guilty - well, to some extent he did - but he wanted Johnny to understand his side of the story. He wanted Johnny to see how he got hurt by the way the members, including him, pushed him to the side, telling him to stop bothering them and give them some space. They mean well, and sometimes they're just tired, but it still hurts Donghyuck, because he knows some of them do it because they simply don't like Donghyuck.

"I know hugs and other things don't mean much to you all," Donghyuck whispered, clenching his hands into fists and hoping Johnny would say something, since he had been quiet this whole time, and that was honestly just scaring Donghyuck. "But I already don't get to spend time with the people who accept my affection."

He was talking about the Dream members, and both of them knew that. Sure, Donghyuck was the annoying brat of NCT 127, who made sure to make the members in his groups lives a hell, hugging them and overwhelming them with love, but in Dream, he was just another kid who was hanging out with his close friends. Of course, he annoyed them as well, the constant teasing and love was present there as well, but the members of Dream always reciprocated his affection. Normally, it would happen behind cameras (sneaking into Donghyuck's room to cuddle was Jeno's talent at this point), but the members always made sure to express how much they missed Donghyuck. And all that love, it made Donghyuck soft.

It wasn't as if Donghyuck treated Dream members with more love, he was pretty sure he did that with the 127 members instead, but that was because they didn't accept him.

"You and the other hyungs are all a lot older than me," Donghyuck continued, seeing as to how there was no response from Johnny, and the hand in his hair was still brushing, "So I knew there were limits to his close, or friendly, we could be. But Mark hyung," Donghyuck sighed as he thought about the older, "He was the only person close to my age in this group, so I thought me and him could be close friends. Since everyone has one of those, for example, Jeno has Jaemin and Renjun, Chenle has Jisung, Jaehyun hyung has Doyoung hyung...you get what I mean, right? But then whenever I suggest this to him he simply laughs it off, pushes me aside, and tells me we can't be friends. It might be a joke for him, but it honestly hurts me a lot."

Johnny brushed his hair one last time, before pulling Donghyuck close to himself. Their legs got piled on top of each other in the process, and Donghyuck awkwardly held his hand in front of his face, trying his best to not touch the oldest chest. 

"We're sorry," Johnny said, ducking his head down and stuffing it into Donghyuck's hair, taking in the sweet strawberries scent and then letting out a deep breath. He didn't know that Donghyuck was hurt by his actions or anyone's actions. To be fair, Donghyuck never openly expressed how he felt about the rejection he received from the members, instead choosing to laugh off the embarrassment and pretending as if none of that existed. "We're all really sorry for not noticing this. I promise, Haechannie, I won’t reject you again."

"No no," Donghyuck immediately interrupted his, the heavy sense of guilt present in Johnny's voice making his stomach twist in a way it hadn't before, and Donghyuck quickly tilted his head up, barely missing Johnny's chin, and said, "Don't be sorry, it's not your fault. It's just me, being childish, and unable to—"

Johnny placed a hand over Donghyuck's mouth, muffling any words that he tried to let out. He sighed and shook his head, a smile nearly appeared on his face as he watched Donghyuck squirm under his hand.

"It's not only your fault, okay?" Johnny said, waiting for Donghyuck to nod (which he did after a while) before taking it off. "And it's not childish. You're hurt, and that is understandable."

A moment of silence passed between them before Johnny began to get restless. Donghyuck noticed, so he wrapped his arms around Johnny, a rush of emotions flooding his as he felt the older’s arms snake around his waist, and he sighed. It turned out a lot better than he had expected, with Johnny at least. 

The other members were yet to notice Donghyuck's strange behaviour, or maybe they had but didn't care enough to question. Thinking about that hurt his heart, so he quickly put the thought away, choosing to enjoy the soft feeling he was experiencing right now.

"Goodnight, Hyung," Donghyuck muttered, sinking into the mattress and Johnny's grip. 

"Goodnight, Hyuckie," Johnny replied, and with that, Donghyuck fell asleep.