𝚙𝚘·𝚎𝚝·𝚛𝚢 {𝚛𝚘𝚜𝚎𝚠𝚘𝚘𝚍-𝚋𝚡𝚋𝚎}

{𝚊𝚗 𝚘𝚍𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚠𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚘𝚗𝚌𝚎 𝚠𝚊𝚜}

the end of summer reared it's ugly head
as she talked to me for the first time,
anxiousness bounced in my thumbs
as i replied back.
small talk never seemed to be our thing
and she never seemed to feel like a stranger.

i remember the first time i saw her eyes.
they were outlined with smudged black makeup,
and i looked at that picture for a good two minutes
or at least until we both said "you're gorgeous"
at the very same time.

every time her name made it's way onto my phone screen,
adrenaline rushed through me faster than if i was on a rollercoaster that made my stomach turn.
sweat decorated my palms messily
and i was confused as to why i was feeling these things
for a girl.

when she called me beautiful for the first time,
i was hoping she would take it back.
because i didn't know how i was going to
keep myself from falling so far into her
that i couldn't get up.

it happened anyway.

her smile set off fireworks
her laugh could cure the most malicious of diseases
the word "princess" never felt so good
and i wanted every part of her that i couldn't have.
she asked me what my favorite flower was and i said, "rose"
she asked me where i wanted to go and i said, "paris"
she asked me what my biggest fear was and i said, "being alone"

not the kind where there was no one around,
but the kind where i could shout "hello" and the only response i could get
was the echo of my heart beating.

she said she wanted to kiss me.
she said she wanted to bike to my house at two am and give me roses.
she said she wanted to take me to paris.

and all because of fear,
all because of distance,
all because of the aching secrecy from our families,

we had to let go.

we still talk.
she still calls me cute.
she still says, "fuck, you're pretty."
but i miss being princess
and whenever i see her name,
i smile at what once was.