Broken Mirrors (TRIGGER WARNING)

Chapter 1

We're losing her!"

"We need her stomach pumped now."

"Stella, hang in there."

                                                          **********

           It had been 3 months since Stella was rushed to the emergency room with a stomach full of pills. It had been 3 months since the last time she tried to kill herself. Truthfully, 3 months didn't feel like it was that long ago, but at the same time it was had happened forever ago.
          "Stella, would you like to share with the group?" Marcy asked. Marcy was the leader of the little group therapy she was now being forced to go to. She had short bobbed hair and glasses, and always wore clothes that reminded Stella of her grandma. Well, the grandma she used to have.
         "Stella," she said again, this time a little sharper. Stella's head shot up and she looked at her. "Would you like to share?"
         Sure I'll share, she thought to herself. I think this whole thing is stupid and I shouldn't even be here to begin with. I think that everyone here is insane, including you Marcy. Or I could share about what a jerk my mom is, or about how my dad's never home, or about how my sister acts like I'm not real. Which one should I share about today?
        But she sat there quietly and shook her head. She wasn't one for talking; never had been. It didn't mean she never would, just that she didn't like doing it. She was told this was "perfectly normal" for someone coming from her experiences. That was funny though, because if she really was perfectly normal why would she be here?
        Marcy sighed and moved on to the next girl, an anorexic named Tanya. Now she was a different story. Tanya had no problem talking. In fact, she talked almost too much. She was starting into a story about how she'd kept her problems a secret for so long. Pretty soon she's gonna start crying, Stella thought. Sure enough within the next five minutes Tanya was sobbing on the floor. Everyone was surrounding her and comforting her. Well, everyone except Stella. As everyone got busy helping Tanya, she quietly stood up and walked out of the room and towards the bathroom.
        That had become Stella's routine. Listen to the first people talk, wait for her turn so she could say no, then wait until Tanya started crying. That's when she'd slip away. This happened every time, and even though Stella thought Tanya was probably the most annoying girl on planet earth, she felt a small amount of gratitude towards her.
        Effortlessly she opened the bathroom door and slipped in, making sure to shut it quietly behind her. She walked to the sink and looked in the mirror. What a pitiful sight, she thought to herself again. Her normally wavy and neat brown hair was frizzled and greasy. She had dark circles under her eyes that took away the beauty of their blueness. And she looked awfully pale.
        Sighing she slowly took off her shoes. Gently she pulled out a razor blade and stared at it. She'd fought off the urge for a few days, but being here seemed to drain her energy. So she gave in.  She turned on the faucet and watched the water for a while before rinsing the blade off. Stella looked at herself in the mirror again before turning the water down until it was just a drip in the background. Carefully sitting down (so she wouldn't accidentally cut her palms open). Setting her shoes beside her, she then proceeded to slide her socks off quickly and efficiently. She couldn't help but feel saddened that it'd gotten to the point where she could do it as easily as walking.
        "Just keep smiling," she told herself. "That's what they like to see. Just smile and breathe."
        And with that she touched the edge of the blade to the skin on her ankle. Taking a huge breath in, she pushed harder. Her huge breath of air started escaping her lungs, but she fought back. Shoving the blade deeper she started sliding it to the left part of her ankle. Gently she pulled it out and let tears roll down her face as she bit her lip. Stella seemed to always do this. Even after years of practice she always had a few tears and had to bite her lip to stop from gasping or cursing.
        She stared in silent fascination at the blood as it bubbled up from the new opening in her skin. This part always amazed her. How could so much blood come from such a small opening? Sometimes she imagined collecting it and donating it. I doubt they'd accept it from someone like me, she thought to herself.
        Slowly, and painfully, she stood up and grabbed some gauze and tape from her secret stash she left here. Wrapping her wound like a pro, she turned the sink back on and rinsed the blade off again before sliding it back into her shoe. When her socks and shoes were back on and there was no proof she'd done what she just did (other than the pain shooting through her ankle and leg), she walked out of the bathroom and back into the room.
        "Stella, there you are," Marcy said nonchalantly. She doesn't care about you either. Surprise, she thought silently. Stella looked around and saw that Tanya had finished crying and it appeared the other girls had shared. She never learned their names; she was never there to hear them.
        Marcy sighed. "Well, girls, we're out of time. Get your things and wait out front for your parents to come get you." With that, Marcy stood up and put her clipboard in her bag, leaving the girls to sit awkwardly for a minute before shuffling outside. Stella stood up and started taking small, painful steps towards the door before someone stopped her.
        "Hey, you're Stella right?" a girl asked. Stella looked up and saw a smallish girl in a skirt with tights and a turtleneck looking at her curiously.
        "Yeah," she said quietly. A look of shock quickly came over the girl's face before disappearing back into her smile.
        "Sorry, I just didn't know if you'd actually respond or not," she said apologetically. "Anyways, I'm Kyla Yourong, from your group."
        Stella continued taking this girl in. Her eyes were somewhat squinty, but a beautiful shade of brown. Her jaw was sharp and her chin was kind of pointed, and her cheekbones were high and defined. She had long hair that was as black as tar and flowed behind her in a graceful way. She looks so perfect, Stella thought. I don't think there's a girl in the world that wouldn't want to look like her.
        Kyla smiled again and sat there expectingly, as if she was waiting for Stella to remember.
        "Oh, uh, sorry. I'm never really in the room for when you share and....." Stella's voice trailed off. She felt bad that she didn't know this girl; she seemed so sweet and perfect. Well, she's not perfect if she's here.
        "No problem! That's actually kinda what I wanted to talk to you about. You always leave whenever Tanya starts telling her life story. Why?"
        Stella's heart beat faster in her chest and her head began throbbing a bit. "Uh, no where really. I just kind of hang out in the bathroom and wait for it to be over....."
        Kyla stared into her eyes for what felt like eternity before closing her eyes and sighing. "I was expecting something a little more exciting, but I guess that's reasonable."
       She smiled and said, "Maybe next time I'll join you. It'd be better than sitting in there forever."
        A car pulled up to the curb and honked. Kyla turned around and glared before looking at Stella again.
        "Well, I'll see you around," she said before waving and getting in the car.
        "Yeah, maybe," Stella murmured. But she knew if that happened it'd end badly.
        She sat outside on a bench thinking about Kyla for a while, before the ringing of her phone pulled her back into reality.
        "Hello?" she said into the phone.
        "Hey, so mom said to call you and tell you you'll have to walk home today. She's really busy," the obnoxious voice of her younger sister Rose replied.
        Of course she is. She's always too busy for me. "Ok. I'll be home in a bit."
        "Cool," Rose said, before hanging up. Typical Rose. Call me and get off the phone as soon as possible.
        With that she stood up, sighed, and stretched before beginning her walk home.
                                                       ********************
        When she finally reached home her ankle hurt so bad that it almost felt broken. The air had gone cold, and the streetlights were her source of light. She would have used her phone's flashlight, but her mom would have been mad if it was almost dead. She laughed at the thought. Most people's parents would have been happy if they made it home alright, but her's was worried about the percentage of her phone. She sighed and continued walking, finally seeing her house.
        Slowly she worked her way up the stairs and unlocked the front door with her keys. Stella had learned that she always had to have them on her, otherwise she'd be locked out until someone decided to care enough to unlock it for her. That would normally be her dad, but he was always gone on business trips. It sucked not having him around. He was the exact opposite of her mom; caring, fair, and everything that a parent should be.
        After letting herself in she walked to the kitchen and grabbed a granola bar, setting her phone on the counter and plugging it in to charge. She sat down and ate the granola bar, resting her ankle a bit before having to go up another flight of stairs and to her room. When she finished her (literally) midnight snack, she threw away the wrapped and painstakingly made her way to her room.
        She flopped onto her bed, not bothering to change clothes before pulling the covers over top of her and falling asleep.