All My Ghosts

Chapter 1 - All Of The Leaving

For five days I didn't leave my room. I wasn't sure what else to do with myself besides lay flat on my bed and stare at the ceiling watching the fan blades spin around. I kept the lights off and the blinds closed tight. My room had become a mess but right now I didn't care. 

My phone remained on the night stand always charged. I would wait to hear that horribly shrill ding my phone made when I would get a text and I would quickly jerk up from my bed and reach for it to see if it was a message from Griffin telling me how much he missed me and that he made a mistake. It was never him only my mom making sure I was doing "okay" or one of my friends begging me to get out of the house. I didn't want to leave the house and I most certainly was not okay. 

How could he do that? I would ask everyday to myself as the tears built up. 11 months and suddenly I wasn't good enough anymore. He needed his "freedom" and his "space". When I had tried to plead with him he called me crazy. As soon as those words came out I had felt my heart drop out of my chest.   

I had gone over our last day together in my head, repeatedly. I had gotten up and showered and put on my favourite pair of jeans and a soft blue t-shirt. I drove over to his house and he welcomed me with his sweet soft smile and a big hug as he had done practically everyday for the last 11 months. We had gone inside and made lunch and then watched random some documentary about football. I had sat in his arms on the couch. His eyes would stay glued to the TV until I would look up at him with my soft smile and he would look back down and softly kiss my lips.  The mood changed when my best friend Adeline texted me, we were in a small feud. Griffin had watched me read the text then set my phone down on the table.

"You aren't going to answer her?" He had asked 

"Not ready to she really hurt me by blowing off my graduation party and going to hang out with that new guy she's "seeing"." I had done air quotes with my fingers and rolled my eyes. 

"She said she was sorry though, just forgive her and forget about it." He had said looking away from me and back a the tv. "That's one of your problems Scar, you just can't let shit go." He had then scoffed. 

"Please tell me more of my problems doctor Griffin Reid." I had jerked away from him. 

"Whatever." He had said

I remember it had made my blood boil. He always did that, brushing things off when I was upset, just like the week before when he had gone to a party and didn't say anything about going, he had just turned his phone off and gone and did whatever. I hadn't cared that he went it's just he didn't say anything and was just ignoring me. 

We had sat in silence for quite some time when I finally announced I was going to leave and he got up and walked me out. We walked to the car in silence. When we reached my car his face changed. I couldn't read him. 

"What is it?" I had asked looking up at him from in my car. 

"I just don't think its going to work anymore. We've tried and tried, but we fight and high school is over and we are going to two different colleges. I'm sorry." He then leaned into my car kissed me on the cheek and closed my car door.  I was left stunned and then my heart began to beat out of my chest. 

After that its a blur I drove hime and called Adeline sobbing she rushed over to comfort me. She was with me all night and most of the next morning until she had to go to work. The day tucked by and I had waited for him to call but he never did. I finally had and that is when he declared I was crazy. We haven't spoke since then. 

"Sweetheart." My mom said knocking on my door and opening slowly. I sat up and pulled my blanket up close to my chest to hide that I was still wearing the same clothes I had been wearing for the past three days. 

She walked over and sat on the edge of my bed and took my hand in hers. "I'm really worried about you, I know you are really hurting but this isn't healthy," she sighed. "I think you should go stay with your grandparents for a little bit. try to clear your head get some fresh air." 

"I... don't know... he could change his mind and then I would be all the way in some small town in Texas." I said stuttering through the sentence. 

"Just please think about," she said getting up and walking out. I sunk back down in my bed and closed my eyes and slept for a while.