You are depressed and alone while Jensen is filming. You feel like a failure and that you can't do anything right. So, you make a decision that could alter everyone's life if you go through with it. Can Jensen get to you before you make the decision...
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You heard your phone buzz for the umteenth time today. You grabbed it, not even checking who it was, turned it off, and put it back on the night stand.
You laid in your messy bed still with your pjs on from the passed two nights and your hoodie pulled tight. You laid alone in the darkness of yours and Jensen's shared room staring at the window. The blinds were closed as tight as they would go. Light was trying to squeeze its way through tiny slots but wasn't very successful.
You knew you were a mess. Your hair was in a messy bun on the top of your head, your pjs were over worn, and you needed a shower something fierce, not that you smelled, you just weren't clean. None of that mattered to you right now though. The only things that mattered were all the things not going right.
You didn't get the job you were sure was yours. You were a disappointment to your family. You were failing in your relationship. You were spiraling. Every little thing that didn't go right was like the end of the world. You felt like you were drowning.
You were drowning in your failures and it left you powerless and unable to get out of your bed.
You curled your knees into your chest and just cried into your pillow. You drowned in your sorrows. You let everything that you had been holding back for the last few days come to the surface. You cried until the tears stopped, but didn't bother to wipe your face because you knew it was just going to start again.
You felt useless and worthless and like a waste of a life. You figured your family would deal without you around. Your dad had your other siblings and you barely talked to your mom anymore anyway. Jared, your best friend, had Gen and his kids. Jensen would move on.
You didn't know why he was with you anyway. Sure, you have been his best friend forever, but you weren't beautiful, not like his ex Danneel was. She was a model for crying out loud, you were just you. Your skin broke out and you were heavier than most women that ran in Jensen's circle. You had thick thighs and greasy skin. You hated everything about yourself. You were short and stubby, and Jensen was way out of your league. He had to be dating you because you were convenient, right?
Like I said earlier, you were spiraling. Your simple, small, every day problems that, to any sane person would seem harmless, became the end of the world, and your bigger problems just destroyed you. You knew you were spiraling, but you didn't have the energy to care or stop it.
Letting the darkness takeover and laying in bed all day in a dark room alone seemed so much easier than having to get up and fake a smile and fight the darkness. You could hear Jared's voice telling you to 'always keep fighting'. But, it is easier to give up the fight when you feel as though you have nothing left to fight for. You felt unloved, pitied, and like the biggest failure in life. It felt like nothing anyone could say would make you feel better.
At that moment, you made a potentially life altering decision. One that you thought would free you from anymore pain, not thinking about how anyone else would feel.
