Clouded Fears

Two - Salt Water

DATE: FRIDAY

TIME: 8:15PM

I sat on bed staring at the wall. Salty rivers splashed onto my bed, but I ignored them. All I could think about was mum. I wanted to remember everything about her. Her laugh. Her smile. Her face.

But I could feel that Mum was already fading. The more I tried to remember the further she seemed to drift away.

My eyes were beginning to close. I hadn't slept for two whole nights.

My Dad had sent a letter to school, telling them what had happened and that I wouldn't be at school for the rest of the week. I knew it was a great pain for him to write that letter. But he wanted me to be happy, or happier at least.

But I wanted to go back to school. I felt that if I went, I could try and forget the terrible fears and pains that clawed at my heart. I didn't want to be stuck here at home where memories swirled and twirled all around me.

I heard a quiet knock.

"May I come in?" It was Dad.

I nodded. Then whispered, "Yeah sure."

Dad tiptoed into my room. He looked tired and his face was red from crying.

"Hi," I muttered.

"Hi." He smiled sadly.

I lay back on my bed and closed my eyes. We both were silent, neither of us knew what to say.

"What happened?" I asked for about the twentieth time.

"It was all a terrible accident, Lila. It was no ones fault." He sighed.

I shook my head. I think he knew that I blamed him.

"I'm sorry. I wish I could change everything." He mumbled. "I was such an idiot to say what I said..."

"What happened?" I asked for about the twenty-first time.

"She was very upset, Lila. I'm sorry."

I sighed and sat up.

Dad looked at me. I knew he was sorry. There was nothing either of us could do. I yawned.

"Get some rest. You need it." Dad said slowly.

"I can't. I can't stop thinking." I mumbled. Dad nodded understandingly.

"I know."

"Why did it have to happen?" I whispered. "Why?"

Dad shook his head. He stood up and went to the door. "Try and sleep." He spoke quietly.

"OK." I sighed. "I will."

I curled up under my blanket. I tried to sleep, but I couldn't. My pillow was a puddle of salty water.