Fear is a Liar

Ch. 2

I am out in the living room about to sit with my first cup of coffee when I hear Avaleigh scream.
I race to the bedroom and reach her just as she is coming out of it, "Oh love... Honey, it's just me. You're safe. You're safe... It's okay, it's okay. Shhhhhh" I sit there, holding her in my arms as I look into her eyes seeing the pain and brokenness and I just know. I just know I need to teach that girl what a mother's love is.

She is sobbing so violently that her teeth chatter, "M-Mummy!!" I squeeze her tightly as the tears well in my eyes, "oh babe... Shhhhhh." She blinks up at me with her teary hazel eyes and blushes, realizing what she said. "I-I-I'm s-sorry ." I smile and softly kiss her forehead, amazed that she is the slightest bit trusting of me. "It's okay honey, if you feel more comfortable calling me mum then you can totally do it."

I try my hand at getting her to open up again. "Hey sweetheart, do you want to go for a walk or anything? Maybe go grab some coffee or go get yourself some new clothes?" She is shutting down and I can't do anything, "babe let me in."

She sniffs back tears, "N-no. They'll just take me away and I'll never see you again. It always happens like that. Just leave me alone!"

"Who is gonna take you away from me love?" I question gently, rubbing her back as she sits in my lap anxiously.

She gets up and runs to the bathroom again and slams the door, shouting "ACS!"

I try to catch her before she locks the door but ultimately I am unsuccessful. I pick the lock and burst through, finding her with a razor to her wrist. "Baby doll they won't. We can go get things straightened out right now if you'll give me that razor."

"No!" I scramble to the floor as she reaches for a blade, trying to pick up the sharp pieces and flush them before she hurts herself more.

I watch as she slices her arms, and before I can stop myself I react out of fear and raise my voice slightly, " Avaleigh give it to me."

She cowers and tosses it in my direction after I raise my hand to wrap her in a hug, I can only guess she felt like I was going to hit her because she cowered quickly and began to shake.

I snatch the blade and flush it before wrapping her in a deep hug, not caring that I am getting her blood all over my pink silk pajamas.

Eventually, she relaxes, her small frame shaking less as I brush her blonde hair from her eyes and look into them gently. "Honey, can you let me see those cuts? I need to clean them."

Ava suddenly rips her arm from my grip and begins to rock, crying softly as she tries to maintain the stoicism. It is there I realize she doesn't want me to see what the countless foster parents had done, and how those men brutalized her. "Babygirl look at me. Look at me," I slowly crouch further down, so that I am at eye level with her, "I am NOT going to hurt you. I promise. You can hold my hand and everything."Ever so slowly she gives me her arms to inspect, and what I see makes my heart hurt.

"Honey, this is going to sting a little. It's just water right now but I will need to use some disinfectant after. I'm going to start now okay? Just squeeze my hand."She nods, softly squeezing my hand as I begin rinsing her forearms to see the full amount of damage. "Oh lovey..." I wipe her tears softly and continue trying to clean her cuts. "Babe I am going to have to bring you in for an exam and to get these cleaned all the way."

"N-Now?" she squeaks, holding back tears as I do my best cleaning as gently as possible with the peroxide and disinfectant cream. I nod, "yes, but it'll be over so quick."

She finally agrees with me and allows me to guide her to the car, where she grips my hand tightly. We drive in silence for a while with only the occasional breath or squeak from the leather seats. I am two blocks from the hospital when she becomes nervous again.