Remember To Be Human

For Lee (The Guy I Never Really Knew)

Sorry guys but I've got to get this off my chest or else I'm pretty sure I'm going to explode.

WARNINGS: Swearing, depression, angry venting

So yesterday, February 4th, 2020, a kid killed himself. I didn't know his last name and apparently his real name wasn't even Lee. It was just the name he said that people call him.

The first time I met him, was in my US History period. It was full of guys and there were only three girls, including me. It didn't help that literally almost all of the guys were your stereotypical obnoxious jocks. They were all friends too and knew each other. Everyday we would get yelled at, specifically because of them. So you can understand that I felt slightly out of place and a little uncomfortable.

But Lee was cool and I felt comfortable around him. Somehow he always made me and others laugh. He was the clown in that class. I'd like to believe that he was a friend, or just a really fun acquaintance to be around. He liked anime, sports, and as far as I know, girls.

That last part sounds bad but the worst you would hear him say was that he flirted with our very young-looking teacher on the first day of school. He even called her by her first name as an inside joke between them, which I thought was funny even though I wasn't even included. It was funny the first time he did it. I remember staring at him and asking him why he called her by her first name. Then he had to explain it to me before I could lecture about respect. Which is ironic because at the time I was a sophomore and he was a junior. Lee never made any explicit comments about girls and if he did, he always was joking.

Lee apparently had a rough home life or something happened. I wasn't that close with him to actually know. What I do know, is that he dropped out of school. People said it was because of his grades. Others said it was because he didn't see the point in education. I'll never know. I only heard snippets and bits about him after that. Overall, he was just one of those kids that people barely talk about.

Then yesterday happened, and I got a reminder that people can be so insensitive.

I know that kids from my school probably won't read this. If they do, they won't know who wrote it. They probably won't care or just laugh it off as me as taking their jokes too seriously. They're right, I am taking this guy's death seriously. Because he was a goddamn person, Martinez, Mitchell.

Mitchell, you don't go around telling everyone that someone's cousin died. Just spreading it like a damn disease. It isn't your place nor your right. You don't tell it so fucking casually like this is the new norm (even though unfortunately it is). You don't laugh as you deliver the news to everyone you see. Because it's not funny, Brady.

Martinez, you'll tell me to calm down. To chill. To stop being angry. Ask why I'm making such a big deal. It's because you went to fucking far, even if you was a joke.

But I heard you, Jan. It pissed me off. It fucking pissed me off even more when you acted like you didn't say anything.

Like you didn't ask how the fuck Lee killed himself while smiling. Like you didn't just ask if he overdosed, drowned, or hung himself. What the actual hell is wrong with you?

The guy just died yesterday, show some damn respect.

I'm so disappointed in you, Jan. You're my friend and I know your jokes. But this one is too much.

I know that this sounds dramatic. It most likely is, you're all rolling your eyes. Saying under your breath that I'm overreacting. I am. But can't you just understand?

He was a fucking human being, like you and me. Bled like us. He felt or didn't feel like any emotions like us. He was a person, a soul, a flame. A flame that every person has. Lee's flame is gone. His dreams, ideas, hopes, they're all gone. The only thing left of him are the memories that people who knew him keep. His cousin, his friends, me.

Why are you saying this? Why did you post this? Why do you care, Commander?

Because someone fucking needs to. Someone needs to fucking say something. Someone has to break the news that our society is flawed even if some won't admit it. Someone fucking needs to tell you that there are people, a whole goddamn community of depressed, sad people. Some of you already know. Some of you are with me in this battle. Some of you even know that pain, that ache, the burning.

Not only that but it needs to be heard. You need to hear it. It hurts to know but you have to know.

It doesn't matter, who you are. You matter. I'll say it as many times as you need me to.

You do matter.

Tell the demons, the voices, the doubt, the fear, to go rot in hell.

Because luckily for us, there is always a place where you'll accepted.

So this is for Lee. For you. For me. For everyone who feels alone.

I hope that if you even got this far, that your perspective is going to change for the better. Lend a shoulder and hand. Be mindful of others. Stay kind. Remember to be yourself.

And always tell yourself that you matter. Those words may taste bitter on your mouth because you might not think they're true. But they are.

I love you guys and have a good day.