A reflection
Dear You know who you are, but for this we will call him Noah
i'm currently at home sick lmaooo, listening to music. i haven't wrote in months but this isn't a story i just want to express how i feel. Last year at a party i was a bit tipsy and got introduced to you for a second you were cute but that was all until next time, January rolled around i had a get together at the lake i invited all the boys including you even though you aren't at school anymore i was like whatever. But, at this time i began a crush on a guy (we will call him Alex) Alex and i became a thing for nearly two months. it was a bit toxic but no hate towards Him i know he is a good guy. Around April our friend had his 18th out on his property which meant camping a bunch of us were invited, at this point Alex and i were still a thing but it was coming to an end. My friends and i arrived i remember being happy, i walked over to you and your friends saying hi and asked how you had been. That night i got vibes from you but put it off, everyone was drinking including us so we were drunk. i remember being in the back of our friends car and i rested my arm, i felt our hands link i instantly took it apart because i knew it wasn't right.
around 3am Alex and i went up the hill and had an argument i remember my friend yelling my name but i was so mad i ignored and kept yelling. the next morning i said bye to everyone and we drove back towards home that night you asked if i was okay and if Alex and i were alright i said it was the end i knew it. My stupid ass invited Noah to a gig the following friday. during the week we spoke i was at school while you worked (Note Noah left school for work). On Wednesday i remember pulling alex aside and crying because i felt bad but we ended our relationship i knew he hurt as did i but it was the best, we didnt go well together and that was that. The next few days Noah made me feel okay, the gig rolled around and he brought his friends we were all fun and gigs, at one point i kissed him and we exchanged cute words about each other. yes, i do regret it being so quick but looking now i laugh at the typical teenager mindset. After this we spoke everyday and decided to go mothers day shopping it was fun, soon every weekend became our time to hangout i decided one day to post a photo of a lookout we went to that day and tagged you. the next day everyone was speaking but it was okay i knew where my mindset was. Soon we went to a lookout that was so pretty i remember i thanked him for being patient with me and not wanting a relationship so fast. we sat for and hour and he hit me with the question i knew i wanted to be with him so i said yes. i was so happy, a different kind of happy. days have gone by and i hate to be a cringe teenager but i appreciate this boy so much the kindness in him amazes me. i am an insecure person and he has helped me gain confidence and has put happiness into my life that i didn't think i needed. it's only been two months since we began dating but it's felt like forever since we started talking early.. i've had a few relationships and i always was like ehhh ahhh i dont know what love is and i look back at those relationships and giggle at how immature i was. being with Noah has made me feel a way i didn't know i could feel he is my best friend and partner in crime typing this i know there is a chance we could break up, we are young yes but i am taking our relationship day by day. I love you Noah and appreciate you so much. <3
(This is real and i used two fake names due to my dumbass being worried somehow someone could read this but yeah this is personal but i wanted to express myself.)
