what if you just, not ?

Journal Entry: MMLXXVI

Our past has a rather, extreme history. From the torture we've conducted along with the millions upon millions of people killed, it wasn't unlikely there would be war.
Everything was riding on the one thought that drove everyone to the brink of inescapable madness. Who? Who would be the first to strike? Where? When?
How much destruction would they cause? An estimate would be in the billions of dollars, and millions in casualties.
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As much as I want to believe that battle would keep them at bay, the thought of them ambushing us from behind was still very real. But of course I cant disobey my orders.
I have to stay put. Keep a look out while my comrades were brutally blown to ribbons of meat. As many people as I've killed, you wouldve believed I'd have been desensitized from all this gore, but I'm just as squeamish as a toddler.
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My orders were to kill any thing that weren't my allies. Seems obvious right? It's getting hard to tell who's whom because of all this blood. It wasnt uncommon for me to see mangled bodies all over the field, nor was it rare to hear the groans of survivors.
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We only seceded because of his ideals. His orders were for me to kill everyone I came accross. No exceptions. Everyone was an enemy that didnt directly agree with his statements. It was a brutal month under his leadership before our uprising. I didnt expect other factions to secede either.
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I only heard about the withdrawal of those factions when the commanders letters were leaked. He shouldnt have kept quiet. We made two new enemies because of this. What's worse is the higher branches of the military are keeping everything hidden from us. I only find out information from the carefree enemy militia talking loudly about everything. It's pretty ironic. You'd expect them to actually keep quiet in case there were spies, but I guess they had no training in that field.
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No wonder they were easy to dismantle. Their strategies are good, but they are such big gambles. I watched as their commander ordered his troops to flat out rush us. Knowing damn well I had a clean shot on every single soldier out on the field.
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During this suicidal excursion, we only suffered a few casualties. They struck in the exact spot we never expected.
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We lost both my platoon captain and our commander in chief. Both of then murdered by our own troops. Well, by "our" troops. Unfortunately, I knew the two who launched the attack.
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These two were, quite frankly, the better few of the whole militia. The better that were alive that is. It's unfortunate that they really tried their luck rushing me. The commander always had someone in our militia guarding me. I still remember the sound he met when I drove my knife into his stomach. The face he made, the feeling of the warm blood on my hands, and even the vibration that ran through the knife when we yelled out for help. As soon as he made a noise his partner ran into the building. There wasnt any cover in the room, so where exactly would I have gone? I could make an attempt to rush him. I could jump out of the window and just hope that I land safely. But in the spur of the moment decision, I used his partner as a shield. The only thing that cmran through my mind was "Is this how I die?" Over, and over, and over again. It just wouldnt escape from my mind. I remember the scream he made as his partner shot him in the back. All I could do was wait. Just had to wait for my bodyguard to come back and help.
I blinked for a second and I looked in the doorway, where the shots were coming from, and there was this...thing standing in front of him. This thing had it's back to me, so and all I could depict of it was its enormous size and weird human like features. It was massive for sure, about 12 feet tall and extremely wide. The most haunting part about this whole experience was hearing the scream the enemy spy made.
I looked away the entire time the creature ripped apart the spy. The screams echoed in the empty room, and continue to pulsate in my head. I cant even begin to describe the sounds I heard after the screaming stopped. I heard the... thing start to chew on something. The thing was chewing on something hard, and the only thing I could think of was the enemy spy.
I've seen death at every corner. I've felt crippling fear and been face to face with the most unruly sights possible. But this was just... purely grotesque. Even writing this makes my stomach churn.
When I finally gathered the strength to look up, the only sight I saw was this thing starting at me. I was a solid 20 feet away from it, but I felt its breath. It was hot, humid, and reeked of death. I hadn't even thought about death when that thing looked at me. I felt really secure looking at this monster. I can't remember why, but he reminded me of the commander. Strong, sturdy, and intelligent. Intelligent doesn't seem like a good word to use here, but he didnt attack me. He completely ignored me. The only question I have now is just, Why?
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