Death Before Dishonor!!!

"I was told you would like it"

I remember him pressing down on me,I can still smell the alcohol, staled cigar and his very sweaty body pressed against me, he undid his zippers,I remember being afraid and whimpering even, he reminded of why the knife was close-by. Something cut my upper thigh, his zip or the knife, I am still not sure of what, but I still have that scar, I was terrified.
He pressed my face to the floor and raped me, I remember struggling at some point before going numb, I was far away in my thoughts, in a cool,even, and safe world, away from demons, the type that was desecrating my body, I remember seeing I was numb, and hardly resisting anymore, he let out a chuckle, and said "I was told you would start to enjoy it".
For most part of it, I was quiet, and though he left, I remained on the floor for a while.
I went into the bathroom, saw some blood on my leg, he had been "careful enough" to make sure my gown wasn't in the way of the blood.
I wiped off the blood, put on my night wear, left his house.
Grandma wasn't home when I got home,so I crawled in my bed and cried,I felt so sad and small. I had left in his house my pride,my security and my virginity. I had a lot of thoughts going through my mind, what if I told grandma, would he kill us as promised? Would she believe me? After all he was the son she never had, was I at fault? Was my dress too short?