I only knew how to write about heartbreak or pain. I knew how to turn words into metaphorical analogies that could break open skies full of grey. I could breath hope in the most desperate of places. Give people light they lost. I was good at that. When people met me, they broke but when they left me, they were alive. I was bad about giving away my own heart so they would have one. I hoped I could fix them, help them. And they in return would never leave me. I learned that people don't stay when they aren't broken. I learned People don't change, they just take. I learned that loving someone doesn't mean they love you back. You can't make someone love you, it doesn't work that way. You don't get to choose who loves you. And you can't just walk away from someone because you are afraid of the feeling they give you. Love goes deeper than that. Love is something we can't understand, it's beyond what we are. And it chills me to think of how much I could lose if you left and to think if I left you, you'd lose nothing at all. It pains me to say, maybe your nothingness of life was better than the light I was ever able to give to you. My heart is only a sliver of what it used to be. My mind is locked behind doors and walls and gates, that I never intended to put up. Some days i am prisoner to these things that hold me back and other days i let them save me from my fears. I let these walls hide me from things I am too exhausted to fight anymore. I had too many obstacles in the way to ever understand how to love you. To ever understand how to let you inside my walls...You stood no chance against my being and I, I was too worn to fight my way through your walls and force my way into you. I still like to think that our souls were always meant for each other even if it's not in this life but Another
