love at school

a change of attitude

Monday had arrived far to soon for my liking and i really was not prepared to see anyone. i have not left the house since that night i was nearly raped and i have not seen anyone though John has called to the house to check on me but i haven't been able to face him or anyone . My dad does not know about the attack he just thinks im ill.

Walking to school every noise made me jump every car and sped past me made me jump back in fear. i near hit the ground when i felt a hand on my shoulder. i screamed and covered my face

" Tia don't be scared its just me"

I remove my hands to see John staring at me a serious expression written on his face

: sorry John i did not see you behind me"

"i called to your house yesterday but your dad would not let me see you"

" im sorry i haven't been up to seeing anyone"

"im surprised your dad has allowed to come to school so soon after well you know"

" well he doesn't know "

" what why not "

" well how do you tell your dad that some bloke tried to rape you its not something you can drop into the conversation over dinner " i snap

" im sorry i just thought it would help having him there to help you"

" i don't need help alright im fine"

" yeah it looks like it. you look ill"

" thanks John that has helped me so much hearing that "

i stormed off leaving John behind me i felt bad instantly for snapping at him he was actually trying to help me but i cant help it i feel so angry and what nearly happened to me and that some stranger has made me feel scared and i hate it and to add to my stress i see Paul standing at the school gates with George and he is staring straight at me.

" Tia i need to talk to you " he asks his voice breaking sounding like he is on the verge of tears

" well i don't need to talk to you alright so leave me alone" i say walking past him

Paul grabs hold of my wrist and i freeze in terror as that man in the alley grabbed my wrists and i had a flashback

" don't touch me Paul don't fucking touch me please just leave me alone" i said breaking down in tears  as i walk away leaving Paul standing there.

My classes went by so slowly and i was tired of the sad looks i was getting from Paul and John it was making me feel pitied and i did not want that.

Lunch time had arrived and i knew that i could not face the boys and those sad looks so i decided to sit under the school tree and enjoy being alone and enjoy being able to think.

I was perched against the tree staring up at the sky thinking when John came and sat beside me

" What are you doing here all alone"

" i was trying to get some peace and quiet"

" stop isolating yourself away from us love we are your friends and i think you should tell Paul and George about that night"

" why so they can pity me too"

" nobody pities you"

" you do its written all over your face"

" its concern not pity"

" well im fine i don't need your concern or Georges especially not Paul's"

" fine then we will leave you alone"

John gets up and walks away from me and i  feel like a fool. i know that i am being mean but i cant help it i open my mouth and all this hate comes out. i am so angry at what could of happened to me and im angry i was not strong enough to fight him off. i have all this hate and i cant vent it at the right person as i have no idea who that scumbag is so i release it at the people who care about me and i know that it is wrong but i cant help it.

I finish the rest of my classes though i did not pay attention to a single one and i see the gang standing outside the school gates and once they saw me they all walked off. i understand why they don't want to be around me i have made them feel unwanted but it still hurts im truly on my own now especially at a time when i need my friends more than ever.