When you leave, take my heart with you

Part 1

Bucky watched him as he collected Infinity Stones from Banner. He was supposed to return them to their time and come back only 5 seconds later. But Bucky knew it could never be that simple with Steve. He knew that the moment Steve said he would go by himself. He could now go to any time he wanted and time travels were just too big of a temptation for a guy trapped in a wrong century. He realized this was a chance Steve longed for since he had woken up in this world - to go back to the life he lost.

The thought scared Bucky. He couldn't lose him. Not again. Not after they've just been reunited anew, as if the universe was giving them another chance. And he was determined not to waste this one.

Bucky tried to tell him that, while carefully avoiding saying something he should have said long ago. He hugged him tight, relieving in the man's closeness, but it ended far too quickly. He admitted he would miss him, desperate for Steve to understand that he knew, he knew what Steve was planning and that he didn't want that. But Steve was still oblivious, clearly too excited of what will happen. 

As he entered the platform, Bucky realized he could never see him again. Suddenly, the words of king T'challa, shocking at first, echoed in his head:

"You are a free man now, Sergeant Barnes. You have the right to voice your needs, so don't hesitate if you should want something"

But did he have a right to destroy his best friend's happiness? Could he be so selfish?

He had to try, he decided, or he would regret it for the rest of his life.

"Steve!", he called.

Rogers turned around to look at him with that soft smile of his.

"Yes, Buck?"

Bucky felt a forming lump in his throat, but he couldn't back down. Not now.

He ignored the small voice in his head, reminding him that they weren't alone, and spoke.

"Steve, I know what you're going to do. I get it, I really do, but I have to tell you something, or I may never get the chance to."

He closed his eyes for a moment to try and compose himself. When he spoke again, it came out softer and more pleading than he intended to.

"Don't go. Please don't leave me. I can't lose you again, Steve, not after everything we've been through. I need you pal..."

He didn't even realize when his voice started to crack, but he had to say it. Steve deserved to know.

"I love you", he whispered.

He quickly looked down, embarrassed and scared of the upcoming reaction. With the eyes fixed on the ground, he didn't see the surprise, confusion, and a great sadness in Steve's eyes. He already started regretting he said anything. He managed to keep it to himself for so long, maybe he still should have. He continued hurriedly.

"But please don't say it back if you don't feel the same. I don't want you to stay with me only out of loyalty or guilt, and be unhappy, when you can have that happiness somewhere else."

Looking into Steve's eyes, he could see that the blond was trying to figure out what to do, and looks at him with such an immense sadness. Bucky hated himself for being the cause of that.

"Bucky, I..."

Steve didn't know what to say, but Bucky heard the answer anyway.

"It's alright, Steve. Really. I just had to say this, I'm sorry. I want nothing but your happiness, and if she will give it to you, then I'm glad. Tell Carter I said hi, okay?"

He smiled for the last time, and quickly turned around, so Steve wouldn't see the tears welling in his eyes.

When he turned again, Steve was already gone.