Transient Thoughts

Loneliness

When you sit alone in the dark and you try to feel warmth. When the fleeting cold winds bite your body and you have no one to comfort you, to make you feel alive again, that's when you know that this ache that loneliness leaves in your heart is the worst of all. You have so much to say, so much to tell, but no one would listen and that makes you sad, so sad that you close yourself up in a shell and thrive alone. It would be better to say that you a forced to learn how to survive alone.

Loneliness eats away the insides of a person. There is this hollow feeling throughout our body, yet a slight ache in the heart. No medicine cures this ache, but company. The joy that you feel when you finally get to talk to someone is immense. You know you can't trust them enough to tell them everything or anything for that matter, but you feel so excited because now you are surrounded by people and not sitting in the dark, surrounded by the ever silent walls.

Loneliness is like a parasite, it scourges away your insides and a point comes when you stop feeling anything. The walls that you build around yourself are so strong and tall that no one can climb in and you can't possibly climb out, it's a prison. You can feel it too you know. It's like a big burden which you can't get rid of. It's a weight you feel inside your heart that can never be lifted.

Even the ones surrounded by a crowd may be lonely. People want to befriend them but no one really wants to know them. The pain in their eyes is clear as day yet their so called friends choose to ignore it or are oblivious to it. I mean, I am observant, yet I can see when people are hurt, so why can't they tell I'm hurting when I'm literally on the verge of tears. Why are they so oblivious to my misery?

Loneliness makes you question yourself. You try to find faults with youself 'cause everyone around you has a friend to confide in but, you, you are alone. You have no more worth than a penny in your eyes and certainly not in others' eyes. Gradually, this loneliness darkens your insides and the fact that you refuse to feel pushes you further down that black hole. Your loneliness eats away everything that was good about you and you a become a monster, a disgusting person with no feelings, you're heartless. You become the very thing that you were scared of, yet the fear is pushed aside and the monster within continues to grow. Slowly, this nothingness changes into anger and that anger makes you violent. It is what makes you snap. The goodness in you vanishes and you seek joy in pain because you know nothing of happiness. Happiness feels like an unattainable dream.

It sucks, you know, wanting a friend, a person to love you and not getting that. When you look around yourself and see two best friends laughing or a happy family spending time together, you feel envious. All of them have someone to care for them, but you, you are all alone. And then the circle goes on and the darkness within continues to grow.

*******************************************************************************************************************Author's note

So this is what i think about loneliness. This is what i feel sometimes when i'm lonely too. However, i try to remain positive about it most of the times, so don't worry about my mental condition or anything. And yeah, I would like to dedicate this chapter blackbizzz and fucckktard. One is my awesome sister and the other is the awesome stranger who urged me to publish my writings.