Madam Spellman one-shots

I can't do this anymore... (Pt4)

She wants to sleep, sleep without dreaming of Zelda, sleep without waking up drenched in sweat from the nightmares where she watches the ginger beauty die in her arms, sleep without waking up to nothing besides her.

She wants to feel nothing at all and the same time everything at once. On days where she feels nothing at all, she longs for the heartbreaking pain to return just so she feels something other than the numbness that's driving her beyond insane and on days where she goes through a range of different emotions she wishes for everything to just stop hurting.

"I'm afraid we won't be able to keep them at bay for much longer, your majesty. Their pleas are getting louder and their forces stronger."

Lilith doesn't even have the strength to snarl anymore. Her pounding head makes her want to exterminate the source of the noise that's worsening it but her heart knows that she will be truly alone if she dares to do it.

The girl is the only one to keep her company and as much as she despises this high pitched voice, wrong colored hair and dull eyes, she needs company more than anything else right now; it's just not hers she needs.

"Just give me a few more days to think about it," she says and tries to get out of her throne but she feels her knees buckle underneath her and weakened arms shake at even the slightest bit of exercise. She sinks back into the cold chair, feeling empty.

The thud of her limp body hitting the hard wood echoes through the wide hall, shoving her weakness and vulnerability right into her face. A sigh of frustration and exhaustion leaves her lips; unwanted of course. She doesn't need anyone to see her worst times when she doesn't even like to showcase her good ones.

Tears are threatening to come and a silent cry of tiredness brushes past her chapped and slightly discolored lips. She didn't bother painting them with lipstick. Nobody is going to come visit her anyway.

"I will your majesty," she hears and can't stand that word anymore. She isn't majestic. She's pathetic.

"Don't call me that," she growls, her tone a warning one.

"What should I call you then, your majesty?"

"I said, don't call me that!" she yells and her body shoots up in her thrown, making the lightbulbs around her burst in her anger. She doesn't notice how the girl falls, fear taking over her entire features, and tries to get as far away as possible. Like a cornered animal she feels into the corner of the room and covers her head in protection, her cries filling the room.

Lilith's breathing is rapid and uneven from the little exercise standing up turned out to be and she feels dizziness taking over her entire being.

She can't see clear anymore but she ignores it, keeps pushing past her breaking point and walks towards the cowering person in the corner. She doesn't hear the desperate pleas emerging from the shaking person, all she hears are the screams inside her mind.

The screams yelling at her for all her failures and things she never dares to think about. The things that are making her lose her mind. The things that remind her of that awful day when she lost Zelda. The things that remind her of Zelda.

"How could you leave me?!" She yells and the beautiful mirror above her head comes crushing down with a flick of her aching wrist. The first tear of many to follow rolls down her rough cheek and she feels a sob go through her body; the start of a chain reaction she so desperately needed to trigger.

The beautiful mirror shatters into a million pieces around her feet, broken shards flying everywhere. The girl yelps as the glass connects with her skin and small pieces bore themselves through the thin layer of skin. Lilith doesn't care, she doesn't even feel the pain.

All her own demons are pushing her to continue, to let out what she's trying to hold in so bad.

"How could you?!" she yells and brushes her hair out of her face, covering her mouth as heartbreaking wails leave her mouth. She doesn't register she's crying until the first tears roll down her throat and land on the swell of her breasts, making her wince at the sudden intrusion of her privacy.

She feels her heart beat fast than ever and her knees are dangerously close to wobbling, the girl long forgotten.

"We were supposed to grow old together!" she whispers and sinks down to her knees, burying her face in her dried up and shaking hands. The burgundy dress pools around her like a puddle of blood that contracts her pale and lifeless looking skin to a degree of perfection.

"I thought we'd grow old together..." she whispers through her cries of agony as she remember the smile of the ginger beauty that used to light up her world but only brings her more misery now. The smile that had the power to either make or break her...

"I miss you," she says and feels her heart ache at the thought of seeing those green orbs, of running her hands through those smooth ginger tresses, of feeling those soft and plump lips press against her own, of smelling that comforting scent of... home.

"Why did you have to leave?" She cries and wraps her arms around her shaking body that hurts with every sob that erupts through her bruised body. Rocking back and forth, she feels more vulnerable than ever before. She hasn't allowed herself to process what happened until she pushed herself past her point of breaking.

She avoided thinking about the hole Zelda left in her life until it became impossible to avoid. It was shoved into her face at every possible opportunity and it made her long for the ginger even more. She needed Zelda, she needed her love, she needed her comfort, she needed her wise words, she needed her company, she needed her.

The thrown and the crown is nothing to her if Zelda isn't by her side to share the victory and frankly Zelda has chosen to spent a quiet life with her family instead of ruling over hell.

A family... the thought of that warms Lilith's cold heart and she feels a small smile creep up on her face. That's what she wants. She doesn't need a thrown or a crown. She needs someone who will be there for her, care for her, take care of her. She needs a family.

The sobs and cries echo in the hall, making it sound even sadder. No one is there to comfort her. She's all alone, left to suffer for her foolish decision. She should have never let Zelda go.

The taste of metal flooding her mouth draws attention to her teeth, nibbling away at her chapped lips, and she gasps as she feels the intense sting on her lower lip. A single drop of red blood lands on her finger and she lifts it up to watch the small drop in fascination.

Her sobs ebb away into heavy breathing and the tears stop flowing as she watches it roll around on her finger, leaving a red trail behind.

It reminds her of the trail of hurt and destruction she once left behind. It was all before Zelda, before the woman turned her world upside down and showed her the good sides of life, showed her that not everyone will do her wrong, that there are still good people in this wicked world.

Zelda showed her how to trust again, how to love others and most importantly herself again.

Zelda gave her everything she so desperately needed and yet she let her go...

She licks the drop of blood off her finger, cleansing her finger off the bloodied trail, just as Zelda cleansed her body of other's wrongdoings.

The exhaustion becomes more present as she feels her eyes drifting shut. She wants to fight it, doesn't want to enter one of her restless dreams, doesn't want to see Zelda die again but there is nothing she can do against it.

The last word lingering on her lips is the name of a certain redhead before she loses control of her body and sinks into the darkness that's been calling her name for far too long.