Why He Cries

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Julian sat under the large oak tree, silent tears streaming down his face like a waterfall comprised of pure human emotion. He was quite a sensitive boy, but no one dared to criticize him for it. He tended to keep his reasons for his sobs of distress buried within the tangled depths of his own mind. People just accepted that his tears were a part of who he was.

"...Why do you cry?" The figure next to him asked, breaking the suspenseful silence between them. The figure was that of his close friend. The boy with the with the unruly hair that closely resembled sheep's wool, earth toned skin that would put the soil of the ground to shame, and fearless deep brown eyes that all but matched with his lively demeanor. Although he was the older of the two, he always seemed to have the more carefree and optimistic attitude. His unstoppable grin never seemed to cease no matter how dire the situation was. 

Julian turned his head, resting his back against the rough bark. Staring into the eyes of the only person who seemed to care about what he thought, said, or felt.

"I cry because it hurts inside." he answered vaguely, leaving his friend with a look of confusion and intrigue.

For a moment, the earth toned boy wondered what those unspecific words could mean.

"What hurts? Why do you feel so much pain?" he questioned.

Julian sighed, hugging his knees to his chest, hesitating for a moment before inevitably caving,  giving the answers that everyone in his life desperately wanted to know.

"I feel pain because there are things in this world that are out of my control. Knowing that there's something, I have not even an ounce of influence over, is a terrifying thing."

His friend's expression transformed into one of worry and concern as he reached over, intertwining Julian's fingers with his own.

"What things do you not have control over? Your life is yours to mold into whatever you wish. Destiny is yours to create. Fate is nothing but a mere effect of your actions and choices. So why must you be so scared?"

Julian shook his head, disagreeing with that statement.

"Fate isn't always kind. It gives you promises of joy and happiness while stabbing you in the back with a dagger forged from the consequences of your choices and actions. No matter how happy you are and how many times you've apologized for your mistakes, Fate never lets them go unforgotten or unpunished."

The earth toned boy sighed in disapproval at his companion's constant pessimism. Although their opposite attitudes towards life are what made them so close, he wished that for once Julian could see life in a more positive sense just as he himself saw it.

Julian continued to speak.

"That fear of fate is stronger for some than most. I'm one of those few who have a great distrust in fate—as if at any moment my life could go suddenly downhill without warning simply because destiny decided that's what my life should become due to a risky choice I made for myself."

The earth toned boy frowned, disappointed in Julian for being afraid to make bold choices because of the unpredictable nature of fate.

"If we never make those risky choices, life would be boring and redundant because nothing would ever change. We would be stuck in an endless loop of the same repetitive habits because we're too scared to break them. Your tears seem to spring from a much greater problem so I will ask again dear friend: why do you cry?"

Julian shook his head once again in defiance,  tangling his fingers in his own hair as if his callused palms would keep his thoughts from escaping; not wanting the copper skinned boy to know the real reason for his tears. He didn't wish for his treasured companion, so dear to him since childhood, to know why his heart ached so greatly. He feared that the truth might sever the bond they had, and he wouldn't be able to bear the pain of scarring the one whom he trusted the most.

He took in a deep breath, tearing his gaze away from those deep brown eyes that he sometimes felt as if he got lost in. He didn't have the strength to look the brass toned boy in the eyes.

His temporary composure shattered and he broke into a wailing sob once more, burying his face in his hands as pools of salty water formed in his palms. This alarmed the earth toned boy who made a quick effort to comfort his dearest friend, pulling him into an embrace as he held Julian close to his heart.

"W-Why are you so affectionate towards me...Why are you always so adamant about staying by my side even though I've committed hurtful actions against the people closest to me time and time again..." Julian choked through his sobs.

The earth toned boy ran his fingers through Julian's hair in an attempt to soothe him.

"I'm affectionate towards you because you're important to me, I enjoy your company and I want what's best for you simply because I care for you deeply..." he whispered gently.

Julian's brow furrowed as he opened his mouth to speak again, "If only you knew how much those words meant to me....And how much they hurt."

"What ever do you mean? Love is a joyful thing, why the pain and anger?"

Julian quickly jumped to his feet, screaming in pure agony as he glared at the gravestone in front of him.  He clenched his fist, smashing it against the stone, the cracking of bones echoing through the clearing.

"BECAUSE I NEVER GOT TO SAY IT BACK." he shrieked, but no one was there to hear. The figure of the earth toned boy had vanished—leaving Julian to realize how far his hysteria and insanity had gone.

He sunk to his knees, pressing his forehead against the polished marble, tracing his finger over the intricate letters carved into it.

"I cry because I never got the chance to tell you how much I love you. How the warmth of your embrace made me melt into pure bliss. The day you were taken from me was the day I finally wanted to make you mine but Fate wanted to punish me for pushing you away so many times. I was punished for taking you for granted and now I've gone mad without you. You're the reason for my tears."

His hands shook uncontrollably as he lifted the sleeve of his shirt, wiping away the salty trails that stained his cheeks.

"You, are the reason why I cry." He said, his voice numb and emotionless as he held the knife he had brought with him to his chest.

"But I will cry no more, when I see your face again." His last words were but a whisper in the wind as the blade was plunged into his heart. Julian's body fell limp against the gravestone as his blood flowed over the name: Graham Rampart.