i hate that the last thing i said to you was see you soon.
for i cannot bear to look at you -
the hollows between your skin -
see the way God has taken back his angels and
destroyed what we loved about them.
your heart was too full of kindness
of love, of caring, of selflessness,
oh, what we could do on earth to right your love,
what we could do to remember you well.
but we are the living.
we're stuck here with all the pain and the heartbreak and the loss,
the way your heart trickled to an end
and left us all behind.
i'm losing bits of it every second:
the toast you used to make me in the morning,
the yellow castle tucked away in your cupboard,
your voice, oh your lovely voice.
that will never speak again.
i used to stay locked up in my room, you know.
i'd leave you with the dog and the chase,
and a cup of tea,
whilst i hid away with my phone.
and i'd do the same now, if you were still here.
i regret every second of your life for the love i never gave you,
for the times i never saw you,
for the days i spent alone when you were meant to come over.
i regret only buying you a lavender bag on christmas
when you would pile bags full of knick knacks for me.
i regret the unspoken words and the unhugged hugs
i regret the comfortable silences and everything we never did.
