infatuation

i

i miss you..
not romantically, of course. i'm sure you havent forgotten my girlfriend.
but i do miss you
very much..
i miss the way we would joke around with each other-
or the way we'd try to cheer each other up
or fuck- idk, the way we used to cry with each other.
i miss you.

i can't believe i was naive enough to believe in soulmates
i used to think you were my soulmate and that i finally found someone that shared the same interests with me, the same habits, hell- even the same sleeping pattern.
i used to be so happy just thinking abt you and how you were my "soulmate"
but soulmates always come back to each other,
no matter the situation.

this time, you haven't come back.
you're not the same girl i met the first time i looked at your profile

no
you're different.
a whole lot different
shit, we both are.
maybe it's for the better?
you told me i matured
or i at least sounded mature.
i hope you meant it in a good way.

ive come to the sad conclusion that we're never going to be the same people we were when we were together.
you were the ying to my yang.
it was nice while it lasted.

i'm sorry i couldnt come back to you the way you wanted me to
and i'm sorry for making you wait an awful long time only for me to leave you for another lover.

i didn't mean for it to happen that way but i couldn't change the way love taught me to act.
love is the reason i'm still alive, can't you see?
you rescued me.
it was an act of love
you simply being there for me saved me
from a life of depression
and emptiness.

but her..
she's different.
she's very different from you
and i hate to break it to you
but i love it.
i love her.

she's the love of my life
just the way you were..
except this time, we're living up to our promises.

i remember you promised me a many wonderful things.
i remember you promised you wouldn't leave-
but your definition of leaving was different from mine.
i didn't want your soul to leave mine
hence the soulmate thing
the first time you left was the day our souls and our relationship started to detach and break.
i wonder what life would've been like if we were still together..
i bet it would've still been problematic and too much for you to handle.

it's 11:15 pm and my girlfriend wants to cuddle and go to sleep.
i'll probably write some more things i want to get off my chest tomorrow or idk- whenever i really feel like it.

goodnight, sotta.
i love you always.