This Goodbye (Wincest v. Destiel Fanfic)

Prologue

        It had been four months. Four months since Dean was dragged down to hell. Four months since he lost the love of his life. Four months of his own personal hell, feeling like half of him was forcibly ripped away. Which, it kind of was. He couldn't eat, couldn't sleep. He barely knew what to do with himself.

        Ruby was continuously coming around to bother him, push him, trying to get him to start using his powers, learning to control them. But he didn't want to.

        He had promised Dean he wouldn't. And plus, he just couldn't. Not unless they could help him bring Dean back. Which Ruby had stated was highly unlikely.

        "I mean, I'm not exactly sure, Sam. You might be able to, at some point. But it could take years for you to get to that. I just don't know, Sam." She had said.

        She had also tried making a move on him a couple of times. He felt disgusted that someone, something, that came directly from the depths of hell could be attracted to him. Everytime she tried, he would push her away and turn her down coldly, not even caring to be gentle with her.

        Each time she had backed off a bit, almost shamefully. But last time she tried....

        Sam squeezed his eyes shut and swallowed down another big gulp from the bottle of whiskey he was holding, trying to push the memory back as far as he could, but he wasn't able to stop the flickers of shame, guilt, and regret that sparked to life inside him.

        And then there was other emotions joining those. Darker. Deeper. Feelings he wouldn't admit to a single soul of ever having, as long as he had any say in it.

        The long dark tendrils of desire tried to wrap themselves around his mind, warming his skin and make him suck in a sharp breath and shake his head, trying to clear away the strong images popping into his mind.

        But now he could no longer hold back the memory and it surfaced to his mind, taking hold of him and become all of his focus. He closed his eyes and let the emotions, good and bad, sink into him as the scene played out.

        He had been drinking again. A lot. These days, he was always in a general drunken state, not exactly caring much for full sobriety.

        But on some days, when the pain got real bad, and no matter what he did, he just couldn't push it away, that's when he crawled deep into the bottom of the bottle and kept himself there for the next couple of days until the pain had finally dulled again.

        Usually when he was in this state of mind, Ruby would leave him alone until he was back to normal. Well, what had become his new normal ever since that day.

        But this time, she didn't. This time, when he was basically chugging down bottle after bottle, wanting nothing more than for the pain to just stop...... That's when she came.

        She came sauntering into the abandoned house he had made into his own little moldy, creaky home, that whole air around her, just the way she moved and looked at everything, it all just screamed, "look at me, look at me".

        He didn't even bother saying hello to her, didn't even care about acknowledging her presence, always at the corner of his eye like a sly fox, always just shy of his vision, as if she were getting ready to pounce on her prey. If only he'd known just how accurate that metaphor was then.

        "You know, you could actually try talking to me about things sometimes." She said, finally deciding she had had enough of silence.