Never ending abuse

Poem two: I trusted you

I hear the floor creek

Closer and closer toward my bedroom door

I try to stay quiet hiding under the covers

Though I know he will find me

I hope he doesn't hear my heartbeat

Or hear me praying God will protect me tonight

But as I do I start to cry because I know

TONIGHT'S ONE OF THOSE NIGHTS

WHEN GOD JUST DOESN'T HEAR ME

I let out one more sob

And the door swings open

The hallway light shines in

But darkness radiates off him

So strong

He has a smile on his face

Nothing will stop him

I cant even defend myself

He gets on top of me holding me down

As I try to turn away

He pulls me back covering my mouth

I am too scared to breathe

A few weeks pass by

I hear him moaning my name

While stumbling around the house

Closer and closer he is walking toward me

Now he is on my bed

And before he even touches me

I begin to cry as I wonder

Where is God tonight?

This time I fight back

I yell

I cry

But he has ways to shut me up.

I do everything I can to loosen his grip

He's hurting me so bad but will not let me go

NO

He will not let me go

Not until he is finished

He leaves me lying there

To think of what I have lost

"I'm sorry" is not enough

He doesn't even realize what it has cost

Another few weeks pass by

The shame keeps getting worse

Too afraid to tell

Though its so hard to hide this pain

Day after day

I must have been bad that night

I hear him coming closer as I'm lying on the floor

Lord I would do anything

If you would keep him from walking through that door

But he does

I finally realize I am all alone

No one to protect me

No one who can save me...

So I lie back down to take it

But he throws me on the bed

And makes me relive my worst fears

When I just want to be dead

I don't want to kill myself

I just want to die

God, why have you abandoned me?

Can you not see the tears I cry?

I will hurt myself later

After you have hurt me

This blood that stains the sheets

Tangled up on my bed

Reminds me of the words

The images you have put inside my head

I can still feel you touching me, grabbing me

Forcing my body closer to yours

The feeling of your cold fingers all over me

I constantly try to wash away

From my scarred skin

Since that first night

I live my life in fear

You are the reason I love too easily

Why I cannot love at all.

Because I trusted you

I can no longer trust

The pain I hold inside

You will never know

They will never understand

That my scars don't even begin to show...