Draco's Diary

Halfway To Nowhere

Draco sat on his bed. He stared at the black sky watching the clouds move. He felt disgusting. As if his skin had been poisoned with an essence of darkness. Nothing in his life fit together anymore, he stared at his empty trunk. He was meant to be returning for his eighth year but couldn't face everyone. Their eyes would pierce into him and pick apart every bad thing he had done in the past 7 years.
He closed his eyes and saw crimson red blood on his hands and looked up to see his fellow students, lying lifeless.
He knew he had never done this but it was what he felt like. He felt like all the deaths were his fault, maybe if he had of stood up to his family and died. So many lives could have been saved.

Draco opened his eyes when he heard a knock on his door and his mums face peeked through the door.

"Draco..." she looked into his lifeless eyes. "I made dinner today, just wondering if you are hungry?"

"Im fine, Mum." Draco gritted through his teeth.

"Are you sure?"

"I said i'm fine!" Draco shouted and put his head in his hands.

His mum retreated slowly and shut the door quietly. Draco stood up and shoved anything he could find into his trunk, trying to not let the tears escape.

His hair lay on his forehead, he made no effort in his appearance these days. His hair was exactly like it was in fifth year. It made him feel more innocent, a feeling he missed.
Draco opened up his 'journal' which was green with a clutter of stickers on the cover.

Tuesday 31st August 1997

Do you ever wish you were a baby again? Things were a lot more simple. I had innocent thoughts, i didn't wish death upon myself and I didn't want to smoke or drink everyday. All i wanted was to be held, which is something i still want. So in a way we all never grow old. We stay young and in love with nothing.

Tomorrow i'm leaving again, which is probably why my mum made dinner but I might just never return and fuck up my life. Sounds a lot easier because i'm useless anyways. The only thing in excited for is to see Harry again, I haven't see him since he saved my life. He seems to be the only who wants me alive but it was just from the goodness of his heart. So really it was meaningless.

I still feel the same. Empty, I hope I can look back on these entries and pity myself but not relate. But if I'm not sad or angry i'm not me. I've accepted that i'm incurable as i'm too broken and disgusting, I should stop complaining and be brave but I cant. Anyways I am too tired now. I am just going to sleep and have the usual nightmares then return to the nightmare of my life. How sad.

A noise distracted Draco from his writing, his mother stood by his door listening to Draco muttering the words on his page under his breath. She was crying.

He froze, she knows everything now. Draco threw his book into the trunk and grabbed essentials. He opened his door and was greeted by his mother speeding off down the hall. He trailed his trunk down the long staircase and slammed the door behind him cursing under his breath.

His train to Hogwarts wasn't until the next day so Draco didn't know what to do with himself, he had no one where to go. No one to save him. Until he spotted a familiar face sitting in a café by the station. Harry Potter.

Harry met Draco's eyes, he smiled slightly and gestured for Draco to come sit with him. Draco reluctantly trudged a long with his trunk and opened the door to the muggle café. He sat across from Harry, leaving his belongings by the front door.

"What brings you here at this hour?" Harry spoke quietly as he sipped his coffee.

"Could as you the same question, Potter." Draco smiled through his words though he tried to hide it.

"Grimmauld Place was too quiet."

"And here isn't?"

"Well not anymore" Harry laughed slightly.

It was silent for a bit before Draco spoke up.

"Why did you do it?" He sounded genuinely confused.

"Do what?" Harry raised one eyebrow.

"Save me from the fire?" Harry put his mug down slowly and licked his lips.

"I mean, I couldn't leave you there..."

"Yes you could've, I tormented you and belittled your feelings for years upon years-" Harry cut Draco off.

"Look Draco," first name "It's late at night and I am assuming you need somewhere to stay."

"Why would you assume that?"

"You're a Malfoy out at night with a trunk, what other reason would there be" They both smiled. "If you want you can kip with me for the night and tomorrow; we can pretend this didn't happen. Deal?"

Draco thought for a moment before he agreed and smiled.