Beyoncé studied the Bachelor's Degree intently, running her eyes across Onika Tanya Maraj printed boldly in the center of the document. It was no doubt that the nurse was certified, the BSN spoke for her. Her eyes looked around the penthouse in awe, the furniture was top tier, but she wasn't surprised—Nicki was a first class broad. Why'd she decide to live the fast life was a question Beyoncé needed answers to.
The more she took in the high quality surrounding, the more embarrassed she became. Maybe she was insecure, maybe the thought of having a woman who was used to living above her tax bracket frightened her. The college student began to feel less of a girlfriend, she couldn't provide for her girlfriend's lifestyle, at least not in the time being.
Since the night she came home from the club, things became tense. Both her and Nicki's schedules were the causes of their couples time going out of the window. And though she hated to admit it, she was happy for the hectic schedule. Avoiding the older woman was something that she needed in order to get her emotions and words together for the real confrontation that was ultimately bound to happen at anytime.
Anytime being now.
Standing to her feet, she walked over to the mounted flat screen and placed the degree back into the glass cabinet that was directly beneath it. First she heard Nicki's muffled voice, followed by the jingle of keys, then appeared the beautiful face of her lover. Their eyes met, Nicki bit the inside of her lower lip and looked down at the keys that were inside of the lock as if it were the most interesting thing to her.
"Yeah, after I settle in I will. Thank you."
Beyoncé scoffed in disagreement, but even through her buried anger and confusion, she couldn't help but to note how good the woman looked in her scrubs. She took a deep breath, to remind herself of what she was here for, to focus on the elephant in their relationship.
Pressing the red button on the screen, the call disconnected, right along with her street persona. Not that she was living double lives, but her business was never a discussion at hand in her romantic relationships. Ever.
"Ou, let me guess who that was!" Beyoncé sarcastically perked up, forcing a smile upon her face in faux excitement.
Nicki took her coat off and placed it on the rack, she had no energy left for Beyoncé's childish shenanigans. Night after night her heart asked about and ran to Beyoncé who was too immature to talk things out. She became restless and tired of being the only one trying, so work was now a main focus of hers again.
"Not tonight, please."
Beyoncé dropped every ounce of pettiness on the floor right then and there when she saw how tired Nicki was. Her eyes told it all. Guilt began to eat on her, she was feeling awful for dodging Nic every chance she got. That was until the fact that she was lied to bubbled up in her mind again. No matter how tired or worn out the older woman seemed, she was in the wrong.
"Shit, if not tonight, then when? Tomorrow night? The night after that?" Beyoncé picked and pulled on Onika's temper, she was gliding on thin ice and she didn't even know it, not that she cared in the moment anyway. Onika wasn't the one who was lied to for months, Beyoncé was. Therefore their talk was going to be held on Beyoncé's terms and conditions...if there would even be a talk.
"We're going to talk like the adults we are, or you're going to go home and continue doing you like you've been doing for these last past days." And for the first time that night since she stepped foot through her door, her feet moved forward. With a cold bottle of water on her mind, she began to walk to the kitchen, but Beyoncé five foot seven stature blocked her path.
The shorter woman sighed and kissed her teeth, time was ticking and she had none to waste. Maybe fucking with a younger chick wasn't- no. She loved Beyoncé. She was in love with her. This petty and childish behavior of hers was just becoming so much to where Onika had began to question if she made the correct decision conversing with the college girl in the first place. Before she could ponder anymore, that husky voice filled with just the right amount of honeydew broke her thoughts.
"Ignoring you? Onika you're a fucking drug dealer! I had to find that out through the grapevine, do you know how embarrassing that is? Think about me, put yourself in my shoes. Imagine being in love with a person for months and not even knowing who they are. Shit if I wanted to date a stranger, I could've texted the girls in my direct messages back." Beyoncé looked down at her, Nicki looked up at the taller girl also, swallowing down any taste of vulnerability that was attempting to crawl up her throat. That's what Beyoncé's eyes did, the piercing orbs stripped her naked of everything, they left her bare of any pride.
She looked away before her own eyes dry snitched on how she was really feeling.
"Who'd you hear it from?" Onika asked, her voice of a small child who'd just been caught being disobedient. Completely dismissing the big picture, her nonchalance pissed Beyoncé off even more.
"Are you fucking kidding me right now? You have to be." Beyoncé backed away and chuckled, her arms crossed over her breast and she rested against the arm of the black leather couch. This was nothing like she envisioned, nothing how she planned for their conversation to go.
"What the fuck do you want me to say or do at this point Beyoncé? Please tell me, and make sure the answer is logical." Nicki emphasized, more like spat out the last word of her sentence. Setting a stubborn tone for the conversation. There was no way in hell Beyoncé would or should even suggest that she gets out or call quits on the game. Beyoncé kept quiet, Nicki took that as a pass to further on with her thoughts.
"The fuck can I do? Just up and quit? This isn't a fucking board game, Giselle! It's real life, I was living well before I met you, and I damn sure'll be living good and well after you."
Silence.
"After me?" Bey cleared her throat and mustered up a chuckle to mask the sharp pain she was feeling in her chest. If she didn't feel insecure about her position in the woman's life before, she sure as hell was now. Though it had only been 11 months, the intensity, the connection spoke more. What they had was too deeply felt, too real for this realm, or maybe it was the hopeless romantic inside of Beyoncé.
Either way it went, it pained her to hear how comfortable and easy it was for Onika to think of her being out of the picture.
"Baby-"
"Don't baby me. Please. Not now, not ever again." Beyoncé sniffed away the tightness in her throat, she blinked away the growing warm feeling of tears in her eyes.
Without a second thought or hesitation, her fingers reached out to trace the diamond necklace on Nicki's neck before gripping at the chain and snatching it away.
The link popped, Beyoncé used her forearm to swipe away her tears before placing the valuable piece of jewelry in her jean pocket.
"You won't be needing that, it's not like it's worth anything to you anyway, right? You've had bigger and better." Nicki's mouth dropped, her heart sunk, she knew she'd fucked up.
"You know that means much more to me." Nicki attempted to go in Bey's pocket to retrieve the necklace she deeply cherished, but Beyoncé was quicker.
"At this point, I don't know shit, Onika. Like you said, you'll be well off without me." Beyoncé yanked away from her and trudged to her front door. She exited the penthouse quietly, too sad to put any strength in slamming the door on her way out.
Onika replayed the entire episode in her head for an hour straight. She wanted to grab her coat and jet over to Beyoncé's apartment to make things right, she wanted to eat back all of those words she spat. What hurt the most was that there was truth in her words.....she would be good regardless.
At least that's what she convinced herself.
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Fuck the government.
Excuse any errors (I'm heartbroken, Nipsey's death hit home)
