The Dream I Dreamed (A Dean Winchester Love Story)

Chapter 19: To Shame

Dean chuckled. "Yeah. It used to come on late in some of the motels we would stay in as kids. I'd stay up all night when it was just Sam and me." his expression was serious now. "Sometimes I was waiting for Dad to get back, sometimes...." He shook his head. "Sometimes I was just too scared to sleep." He looked down, at their clasped hands. "But there was the Doctor, and he just...I don't know. They weren't airing new episodes anymore, so it was all just random, out-of-order re-runs, but there was something about it. The Doctor made me feel safe. He made me feel like it was okay to wander around, without a home, doing good. Saving people. He made my life seem like some heroic journey instead of a cross I had to bear because of what happened to Mom." Dean smiled a little, his green eyes crinkling with memories. "I've gone back and watched it all through the years. Once Sam got his laptop I found it on Netflix." He laughed, a thin, airy sound. "That was a much more sappy story than I meant for it to be. Sorry."

"No, no. It was beautiful." Hope insisted. "It was a way to escape for me, too. To leave all the foster homes and families behind and go on wonderful adventures with a madman in a blue box." She pressed herself closer to Dean, the fabric of their jackets brushing. "I've never watched it with another person before. It's always been something I did alone."

Dean nodded. "I like it better this way."

"Me, too."

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After a while they came out of the trees. There was a small playground just outside of the town they had come to. It had a squeaky merry-go-round with chipping paint,a flimsy, dented slide, a rusted jungle gym, and a old, sagging swing set, the kind with curved, rubber seats. Hope tugged Dean toward the swing set and sat down excitedly, kicking her legs to get herself going. Dean just stood there watching her, bewildered.

After a while Hope noticed that Dean wasn't swinging. She slowed herself, no longer kicking the air. "What?" She asked. "Don't you like to swing?"

Dean shrugged. "I've never really done it..."

"Never?" Dean shrugged again. "There must've been a swing set somewhere, at one of your schools or something." Hope insisted.

"Yeah." Dean conceded, uncertain. "But I never really....I was always pushing Sammy." Hope's eyes softened, but Dean shrugged off her sympathy. "I didn't mind. Seeing him swinging was better than swinging myself."

Hope stopped her swing and hopped off, walking over to Dean. She grabbed his arm and dragged him over to the swing next to hers. "What are you doing?" Dean asked.

"Sit." She said, pushing down on his shoulders to indicate that she wanted him to sit on the swing. Dean obliged, now the same height as Hope. She moved around to stand behind him. "I'm pushing you." She explained. "And you're swinging." She gave his back a shove and he almost fell out of the seat. Hope laughed. "You have to hold on." She told him. "Here." She came back in front of him and took his hands from his lap. "Like this." She curled his fingers around the chain that held the swing up. "Now hold on." She pushed him again, and this time he stayed in his seat. It took a few shoves for him to get going, but finally he was swinging. "Good! Now kick your legs to keep yourself going." Dean followed her instructions and the swing kept its steady arc as Hope ran over to her swing.

They stayed at the park for a while, Hope demonstrating various different ways of swinging and Dean making up his own. After a while they both grew tired and just sat on the swings, a comfortable silence between them. Dean sighed. "We should probably head back soon." He lamented.

Hope nodded. "Yeah."

Dean looked at her. His....girlfriend? The word didn't seem important enough to capture what she was to him. The moon glinted off of her golden hair and illuminated her pale skin. And he realized that he loved her. It had been a long time since he let himself love someone that wasn't family. But the realization didn't scare him as much as he thought it would. He tried to think how he could tell her in a way that wouldn't sound stupid. "Hope....I, uh...thank you. For bringing me out here. I needed this. You're....I mean I.....I..." He stammered.

"Dean." Hope interrupted him, smiling. "I know."

She was telling him that she understood, that he didn't have to use the words that he somehow couldn't find. But he had to tell her. "No." Dean swallowed, looking directly into Hope's pale gray eyes. "I love you."

Hope reached out and took Dean's hand, letting their arms hang in the space between their swings. "I love you, too, Dean Winchester." She smiled even broader.

They stood up to leave, but as their eyes locked, Dean pulled Hope closer to him, bending his neck until their lips touched. Hope wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him even closer. They stayed like that for a long time, even after they broke the kiss, the old playground shining in the silvery light of the moon. Then they started home.