crown | b.blake | 5

2.

"What?" I look at him curiously.

"I talked to Bellamy-"

"So now you guys are what? Taylor's support group? Jesus. You guys talk about me a lot? Are the others in on it too?" I scoff. I turn to hang my legs off the sill, my back now facing the moon.

"Bellamy loves you-"

I stand up right away.

"You think I don't know that?"

"You don't talk with him about how you're feeling, hell, do you even talk to him at all?" My body flushes with heat as Monty makes his accusation. But I'm more angrier at the fact that Bellamy has obviously shared more information than I'm comfortable with.

"Go float yourself, Monty." I walk away from him and he doesn't dare stop me. I walk down the hall until finally I get to mine and Bellamy's room. He's sitting on the bed reading a book and when I walk in he sets it down on the night stand.

"Hey-"

"You've been talking with Monty a lot, huh?" I cross my arms and try to calm myself down. My emotions were already all over the place till Monty came to talk to me. Now I was just pissed off and upset.

"What?"

"I barely talk to you? I'm pushing you away?"

"Taylor-"

"Don't go to Monty next time. Come talk to me."

"How can I? You're never in the mood to talk. Anytime I try to help you, you say you're fine and you either walk away or change the conversation."

"Has it occurred to any of you that maybe I just need some godamn time to mourn? Losing Jasper and the baby so close together and not being able to properly mourn them at the time really fucked with my head. So sorry if I'm not in the fucking mood to talk about it."

He stands up from the bed, looking angry but Bellamy has always been good at knowing when to reign his emotions in.

"I lost them too. Jasper was like a brother to me and I have you to thank for that. I miss him just as much as you do. And... losing our... I...it hurts me too. Okay? I had a picture in my head about what our future would be like with our family but that future is gone now. We have to move on and create a new one." I bite my lip and shake my head.

"You and Monty...jesus. You guys may have been able to cope with this in your own way but this is how I'm dealing with it. Why is that so wrong? Everyone deals with death differently. All you guys are doing right now is making me feel like shit for trying to deal with it in my own way.

He walks over to me and places one hand on my cheek.

"I'm sorry that we made you feel that way. But it's not that you're figuring it out in your own way, it's that you won't let us help you. Taylor, I love you and I want to be here for you. Let me in. Whatever way you need to mourn them, let me be there with you to hold your hand." My lips tremble at his words and I look down so I can catch my breath.

He tilts my chin un and pulls me to his chest by my waist.

"I love you. Let me help you." Looking into his dark brown eyes, I see our new future and what lies ahead. I see the possibilities and the good times and the bad. I see him. I see happiness again.

I nod my head and he pulls me in for a kiss.

5 months after primfaya

In space, things to do are limited. Boredom was a frequent and daily occurrence. When we could we'd make up stupid games to keep us entertained or tell stories. We'd read or perhaps write. We'd also spar a lot, there was no need for it but it could be pretty fun especially when we'd bet on each other.