This is me

Chapter 1

So I guess this story starts a few years ago.
Hi. I hide behind a fake smile and a positive attitude, but the truth is I've been struggling with depression for 3 years.
It's been rough but I found away to distract myself. People. I help others, I'm their shoulder to cry on and I'm always here when people have problems.
Sure, I say my opinion about stuff but I got a lot of stuff going on inside my head that I keep to myself.
People are selfish and don't want to know about your feelings. I wish I could be selfish, but then I would let everyone down.
I give advice but I don't follow it myself. Oops? As long as I can help.

Alright, this is where the story really starts, my story.
First day of school; the beginning to the worst year of my life.
It was great till I realized some things.
I got a bunch of friends and I talked to everyone and I started getting popular, but they weren't real friends. I just didn't want to be alone. I started looking for a relationship in every boy I seen and I was desperate. I was surrounded by a bunch of "friends" but I wanted more, I wanted to be loved by a boy that would love me. I wanted something more than friendship, I thought that having a boyfriend would take away my problems and would make me think happy thoughts.
I was right, having a boyfriend makes me feel like I'm loved, pretty, and my over all self confidence went up noticeably. Till they would break up with me because it wasn't a real relationship, UGH! Then I started to see my flaws, I started to hate myself. Every day I would cry myself to sleep, a new topic every night.
One day it was, "I'm worthless."
Another was, "I'm ugly."
Another, "I'm stupid, I'm fat, no one loves me, no one cares, I want to die."
I began to tell myself these things and I could never escape from these thoughts.
They were always there.
Forever.

**The next chapter will be about when I find out that I have depression and my path to happiness**