Why Him?

Part 1

It was a warm night in the middle of July, and I was falling in love just by staring into his eyes. His complex brown eyes followed all the stars up above, I cuddled up next to him to stay warm though the fire was blazing next to us. The way he would look at me would make me feel a way I have never felt before, and when he brushed my cheek he would kiss me like I've never been kissed before. Passion; something that I had never known until I met him.

We sat next to the fire for hours, getting to know each other, talking and laughing. The smell of cigarettes filled the air around us, and the taste of boxed wine was on our breath. Every night we spent together was like magic and filled with excitement, I couldn't wait to see him every day and lay next to him at night. Words can't explain how happy he made me feel, until he broke my heart with one final kiss and a simple "Good-bye".

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"Boys ain't shit."

That's the quote that I always told myself to help me get past all the crappy men I came by, but that was before I met him.

I worked for a small baking company that my mom's best friend had opened up in the local mall. My dad pushed me to get a job right after I turned sixteen and so a month after my birthday I got an easy job there. It was fun working in the mall, I made a lot of friends there, and there was always cute guys to flirt with just by giving them free pastries at the end of the night that we planned to throw away. I wasn't always good with guys, I'm not super social and I am definitely not the best looking. I've had issues with mental disorders since I was thirteen which causes me to not go out or pursue anything that will make anything worse for me. I had few friends, but they are the best friends anyone could ask for. I could tell them anything and they were always there to support me.

I had "dated" around for awhile when I was seventeen just going on Tinder and trying to enjoy life. Just as I was getting bored with it, and laughing about how I'll never find a real man on the app to actually take care of me, and stay in my life for real, I saw a man. No, not on Tinder but passing by the store. I couldn't help but stare for a moment, a very long moment. Time felt like it slowed down when my eyes locked on him.

While at work one day during a rush, I was running around like a crazy woman since we were understaffed and I was barely looking up to see the customers I was helping, "Can I just get an iced tea, please?"

"Yes, unsweetened or swe-" I looked up and it was him, I felt my face heat up and my stomach dropped, I laughed to myself, "Or sweetened, sorry."

He smiled, "Unsweetened." I turned quickly to get his drink and I could feel my heart beating out of my chest and my anxiety was at an all time high, my hands were shaking as I filled a cup with the tea, I finally got it to him though, "Have a good one!" I tried to say enthusiastically so he wouldn't hear the shakiness in my voice.

He laughs, "Aren't you going to charge me?"

"Oh! Right, um, it's okay! You can just have it."

"Are you sure? Thank you, I appreciate that..." He looks toward my chest and squints so I try to cross my arms really fast, "... April? Did I read that right?" I realize he was trying to look at my name tag on my apron.

"April! Yes, that is the name,"

"I'm Hayden. Thank you again, I'll see you around." He smiles and walks away and the next customer walks up but I can't help but watch him walk away and just like that he looks back and catches me and I turn away quickly toward the customer and smile to myself. The rest of my shift I keep thinking of his smile, 'that damned smile'.