Sterling & HIM

I Want Him

As I sit in the library of my school filled with loud obnoxious teenagers and a pile of homework in front of me all I can think of is him. The way he smiles, the way he smells, the way he used  laugh at my silly  jokes. I loved everything about him and I still do.

"Sterling snap out of it!!" Monday says.

Monday is my sassy, fiery and passionate step sister  and I love her to the moon and back but she is so aggressive sometimes, one of those times being now. She is my father's daughter  and was born before I was . Her mom and my dad broke up after my dad found out that she was cheating on him with another man. His collegue to be exact. You can say that my dad and I are two peas in a pod. We both gave away our hearts away  to the ones we love and got it broken in return. Luckily for my dad, he was able to find love again and married my mom. The woman who captured his heart and has taken care of it ever since the day they met. What a wonderful day that must have been. I know I will get that someday but I shall sulk in misery as of now thinking of him.

" I was thinking of him again, I swear I always see , hear or smell something that reminds me of the great times we had together". I say hopelessly

A hopeless romantic, that is what I am . Why do people like me love so hard? It really wears me out sometimes but it really is'nt something that I can  control. This is the way I am, the way I've always been and the way that I will continue to be until the day I die.

"You really need to get over that piece of toxic ,wasteman, poisonous garbage. He cheated on you multiple times and lied about it multiples times!!!!. Why can't you just forget about those times and move on. I hate seeing you like this. There are so many better things that you could be doing with your time, like coming to my party tonight"

Monday sure had a way with words when it came to describing the absolute love of my life. She always thought  that I was way too good for him and tried to tolerate him. However, everytime he would come around for the two years that we were together I'd always see the look of disgust and disapproval in her eyes.
It always made me really sad that my own sister did not like my boyfriend but I always believed in my heart of hearts that the day will come that she seea  good in him. As you can imagine that day  never came. I eventually accepted the fact that my boyfriend and sister would never be friends as she could not even stand the sight of him.

Oh shoot!! I totally and completely forgot about her big party tonight and she invited the whole school which means that there will be a bunch of drunk, underaged teens participating in immoral and illegal activities.

"Ah yes  I am so excited for your party tonight I just need to find something cute to wear". I lied.
" Great hun , it is gonna be super lit. Gotta go and I will see you later my love."
As she exits the library , I am left with a pile of homework and my constant thoughts of him.

......................................................................

"Honey, how was your day today? By the way your father is coming home today from his business trip." My mommy says.
"Oh mommy, my day was good I was able to get alot of my homework done and I got one hundred percent on my English Essay. I am so happy that Dad is coming home today I really missed him".

" That's so wonderful to hear Ster and I missed him too".

My mother is so kind and gentle despite her fiery red hair . My dad has been out on work trips for a month now and my mom and I  have acutally gotten closer and for that I am grateful.
" Mommy remember  Monday's party is tonight so I am going to get ready for it".

" Okay Ster but be back home by 12 am sharp or else!!"

" Ugh mommmy, fine".

I jolt upstairs to my room and lock my door shut. Immediately I am surrounded by pictures and gifts that he bought me during our relationship.
I mean I know it is torture to be surrounded by these things, but these are the things that remind me that he was not a bad person. He was someone who made a mistake, well several of them but I forgive him and I still want him.

Fustrated with my overwhelming thoughts I begin to get ready for the party tonight. First , I enter the shower and bathe for twenty minutes. After my shower I look into the mirror and I am quite pleased to see that my hair is still laid and slayed after hours of being at my musty, dusty, crusty school.
You know,  people always wonder how I always get my hair so neatly laid since I have natural hair. But honesty, it does take a bit of gel or some styling products, paitience and practice. I honestly love this style because it brings out my features  since all of  my  hair is pulled away from my face and he liked it as well.

After admiring my hair, I begin to get fustrated once again as I have no idea what I am going to wear. My mother would usually help me pick out an outfit. But I don't want to be a bother to her beacause she is preparing the house for my father's arrival.

Thirty minutes have passed and I still don't know what to wear and my room looks like my closet just threw up all over it. As I am ready to make up a lame excuse  and  call my best friend to tell her that I would not be able to make it tonight, I see the dress that he bought me months ago for my 17th birthday.

I stride over to my closet and pick up the dress. The fabric feels so soft in my hands. My instints kick in and I immediately bring the navy blue dress to my  nostrils taking in every scent of him,it smells like strawberries and vanilla. Before I know it liquid starts to come out of my eyes and it takes me a second to realize that I am crying.

I cry most days when I think of him. This has been happening for the past three months , I cannot control it. As I compose myself I make the decision to wear the dress. Not because of him, but because of me. I look damn good in that dress , it hugs my body like a glove and I feel like a smexy betty in it.

Now that the dress is on I have to figure out how I want to do my makeup. I decide to go for a soft look because I think that I am naturally beautiful and don't need alot. I swipe some clear lipgloss and my lips, put on my favourite black sandals and head downstairs.

"Sterling you look absolutely gorgeous , but are you sure you want to wear that dress honey?"
" Yes mom, I am sure . It looks great on me and you don,t have to worry I"m not wearing it because of him I'm wearing it because of me

"Okay great Ster, I swear if I see that little rascal again I will choke the life out of him"

My mom never ceases to amaze me when she speaks like this. She is alot similar to Monday. Sometimes I swear Monday is my mother's daughter and not me. On the outside she has one of the most charming smile ever, the one that made my father fall in love with her and marry her  within six months of knowing one another. She always dressed imppecably and wore expensive jewelry, her hair styled to perfection and wore the best french perfumes. She also has a big heart, a really big heart. So when she found out that he cheated on me she was devastated and hated him for what he did to me.

" Mom you are so funny and trust me you will never see him again". I want to though. But I don't tell her that or she will surely have a fit.

"Okay good. Have fun at the party and remember to be back by 12"

"Thanks Mom".

And with that I head out the doors of my beautiful home and go into my car  and drive to my sister's house"

Tonight is definitely going to be one for the books because he is going to be there and only I know.