the strings

:: four ::

I move his hand away from me and lean across the table myself, a murderous look in my eyes, my fists shaking by my sides.. 

"Don't ever call me babe. Ever again."

And then I pick up my stuff and leave before my tears can hit the ground.

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I leave the lunchroom as fast as I can, fighting back tears. I'm dialing a phone number before I can even think, and it's ringing before I even register it.

"Hello?"

Her voice immediately calms me down.

"Hey, Elles."

I sit down on the steps, and put my head in my hands.

"What's wrong?" She asks, concern etching her voice. She knows I wouldn't call in the middle of the day unless something was wrong. She's right.

"Nothing, I just missed you," I lie. It was selfish of me to call her. Selfish of me to want to talk to her about my problems when she's sitting at home and can't even get out of the bed.

"I know when you're lying to me, Rae."

I sniff, trying not to burst into tears. "I'm really okay, I just needed to hear your voice. I have to go now, but I love you."

She sighs, "I love you too."

As soon as I press "End" a pair of shoes enters my vision. I don't look up to see who the person is, but it doesn't matter because a second later they crouch down and I can see their face.

"I'm sorry."

Two words. 

Two words that I wanted him to say so many times after I told him not to call me babe and he never listened. Two words that I wanted him to say after he called me babe in our last fight. Two words that I never heard from him. 

But there's a boy in front of me saying them now, and all I can think is that he doesn't mean it. 

They never do.

"Just forget it," I mumble, burying my face in my hands.

A few seconds later, my hands are pried away and held captive by his, forcing me to look up at him.

"I'm sorry, okay? I didn't know that wasn't an okay thing to say. I didn't mean anything by it, I swear." He actually looks concerned, his eyebrows bunched up and his lips slightly puckered.

I nod, giving in despite the sirens in my brain telling me not to, "Okay."

He lets go of my hands, rocking back on his heels, "Are we good?"

I laugh, "Well, we were never exactly 'good', were we?"

He rolls his eyes, "Well, I mean I thought we were great, but apparently I was mistaken."

I shove him backwards and he falls on his butt. "Ouch!"

I fling a hand to my chest, "Oh, I'm sorry; did I bruise your ego?"

He narrows his eyes, "Ha-ha. Very funny."

I twist around the ring that rests on my thumb - one that Ellie gave to me on a birthday - and gulp as the modd visibly changes from joking to deep as Hudson leans forward and says, "Why are you so difficult to impress?"

I bite my lip, drawing blood with ease. "I just don't open up to people very easily."

He shakes his head, "You're like a freaking oyster, ginger- girl. I can't get you to open up for anything."

I look down, tracing the pattern on the tiles. "Just give me time."

When I look back up, he's staring intently at me, and slowly he nods. "Okay. I'm not gonna relent or let up, but okay."

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The next time I see Nat is after school when we were scheduled to go to get coffee together.

She knows I'm pissed even before I say anything.

"Look," she says, holding her hands up as I come towards her outside of the school, "He asked me, and he seemed really interested, and he's very attractive and nice, and I think this will be really good for you."

I shake my finger at her, "You can't make me do this, Nat."

She shrugs, "Actually, I can."

I narrow my eyes and plant my hands on my hips, "Oh, yeah? And how do you plan on doing that, exactly?"

She starts walking to her car and I follow here, because even though I'm mad at her, I still want coffee. Priorities. 

"Ellie wants you to go," she says, as she gets into her car.

My eyes widen at her words. She wouldn't dare.

"You didn't..." I say in anger as I get into the car.

She buckles her seatbelt and hits a button on her phone. She hands the phone to me and I don't even have to look down at the number on the phone to know who it's dialing.

"Nat?" Elle asks over the phone.

I sigh, "No, it's Raleigh."

I hear the shift in her voice almost immediately, "Rae! Nat told me all about this thing at school and you have to go! Seriously, you have to go."

I roll my eyes as Nat laughs next to me. She knew this would work.

"Elle, I really don't want to go."

She sighs, "That's what you say, but you don't really mean it. It would be good for you! And besides she says there's a guy? What's that about?"

I slap Nat as she pulls out onto the road and she yelps in pain. "Thanks a lot," I hiss at her.

"It's nothing, Elle, look i don't want to go to this thing and that's that, okay?" I say, sighing through my nose.

It's quiet on the other end of the line and then Elle's voice gets real small. "I just feel like you need to do something for yourself, instead of taking care of me all the time. Please go have fun. For me."

I feel like slamming my head into the dashboard of the car in frustration.

I press my fingers into my forehead, feeling the marked beginnings of a headache. After a few seconds I sigh, "Okay, fine whatever. But I'm not going with the guy. That's just asking for trouble."

Elle clears her throat, and coughs a couple times, "Well, we'll see about that."

And then she hangs up. 

I hand the phone back to Nat, who's entire body is shaking with uncontrollable laughter. 

"You're an idiot," I say as she pulls into the coffee shop parking lot.

She turns off the car, unclicking her seatbelt. "But I'm a smart idiot," she says, pointing a finger at me.

I roll my eyes, "I'm not going with Hudson."

She shrugs, getting out of the car, "Like Ellie said, 'We'll see.'"

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