come back // joshler

2: Josh

Josh was laying on his bed, absentmindedly going through his math book. He had no idea what homework he had, but he tried to get some information in his brain. His friend had called earlier, asking if he wanted to go somewhere, but he had said no, blaming it on not feeling well. Which in all honesty was true. He was about to have a mental breakdown and felt like just staying at home. He heard his phone ding on his desk and lazily got up, walking over to the other side of the room and then retreating back onto the bed before opening the phone. He really wasn't interested in what his friends were up to at the moment, but they'd start sending even more messages if he didn't reply, so he went to his messages, and instead of seeing his friends names he saw one he immediately wished he hadn't.

From: Tyjo

hey, just thought i'd let you know i miss you, and i need you. please answer me josh. i don't know what i'll do if you don't... and sorry for yesterday too.

Received 4.15pm Today

This was the eleventh one this week. Tyler must be getting desperate. He scrolled up to read the previous messages to try and get what he was planning.

From: Tyjo

hi josh... i really miss you, i wish you'd answer me.

Received 3.09pm Monday

what did i do wrong?

Received 11.06pm Tuesday

hey, i don't know what you're doing right now, or where you're at, but i just wish you'd answer as soon as you can. even just a 'leave me alone' would be better than this.

Received 2.57pm Wednesday

i feel really awful and i miss you josh. i miss you so much. please just tell me what i did wrong. i can take it. you didn't just have to leave me alone, you could've warned me. i really hoped you'd be different than all the others.

Received 4.07am Thursday

i shouldn't've sent that last one. i'm an idiot, i'm sorry.

Received 6.54am Thursday

why won't you answer me?

Received 12.47am Friday

just give me one reason please.

Received 1.30am Friday

i can barely sleep these days, i cry so much. god how i wish you'd know what you and all the others have done. but you don't care. and then again, why should you? you have no reason to, i guess i'm just clingy and desperate. but i can't help it. i guess i still have some hope deep inside that you're not the same kind of an asshole as all the others.

Received 4.05am Friday

i don't know what i was expecting. i did have some hope that when i'd eventually wake up you would've replied. can't you see how much i need it?

Received 1.56pm Friday

i fucking hate you joshua dun, i really do.

Received 3.07am Yesterday

hey, just thought i'd let you know i miss you, and i need you. please answer me josh. i don't know what i'll do if you don't... and sorry for yesterday too.

Received 4.15pm Today

Should he reply to him? What would he say? How could he possibly make right everything he had done? He buried his face in his pillow and groaned loudly. He wondered if he could die from pushing his head against the pillow too tightly. Maybe his neck would snap in half. You never know, right? He sighed at himself and sat back up, looking at his phone again. He couldn't do this, not now. He felt the frustration growing inside and threw the phone against his wall wishing it would break into millions of small pieces he could walk over and forget about. He didn't want to have to deal with this whole Tyler-situation, but he knew he'd eventually have to. He stretched his arms and decided to go get some food from the fridge.

"Hey Josh", his mom greeted when he stomped into the kitchen. He looked exhausted, not having dressed up and his hair a mess. "What're you up to? Going out?"

"Do I look like I'm going out, mom?", Josh starkly asked, causing his mom to give him a stern look. Josh shook his head and lifted his hands up in defeat. "Sorry, I'll watch my tone, alright?"

"Yeah. But really, what are you doing? You look horrible."

"I was just about to go get some food from the fridge", Josh replied walking over to the fridge and pulling it open. His mom said a quick okay before leaving the kitchen.

Josh looked around inside the fridge and found the remains of the pizza he had yesterday. He quickly grabbed the plate the few slices were on and headed back to his room, making sure his mom didn't see he was carrying food into his room, considering she didn't like it when he ate in there. As soon as he reached the door to his room and opened it he sighed in relief. He collapsed onto his bed and checked the time. 4.47 pm. The day had been going on for what seemed like forever. He looked down at his phone that was laying on the floor, the screen now cracked in half. He rolled his eyes and lifted it up, checking it still worked. Without really thinking he found himself on the messages Tyler had sent him. Was the boy okay? Why was he worrying about him anyways, he had promised to himself he'd not do it. But somehow he still did. He thought about Tyler and how much he actually missed him but didn't know if he should message him or not. What if he didn't actually want him to answer? What if he was just playing him and wanted to make him feel as bad as he probably had made him feel? Frustrated by his thoughts he decided to dismiss the subject for now and closed his phone before starting to eat the cold pizza. 

Josh didn't last long before going back on his phone, reading the messages over and over again, tearing up when he comprehended what Tyler was trying to say. He was dying, and he needed help. But what if Josh wouldn't be enough? What if he no longer was the one Tyler wanted? What was he supposed to do now?