𝖑𝖎𝖋𝖊𝖑𝖎𝖓𝖊 [nochelle & richola]

nineteen.

i walk out of studio a, leaving lola and amy behind me. i can't go home yet, because my mum's not picking me up until later tonight, and i can't go to shakes and ladders because roughly half of a-troupe will be there.

i wander around the old building, until i find myself in the music room. i walk over to the costume closet and lock myself inside. the last time i was in here i was making out with noah, and that stings a little, but it's the place i feel safest. alone and untouchable.

i take a few shaky breaths, before sinking down onto the concrete floor, surrounded by the next step's many old costumes. all of noah and i's duet costumes are tucked away in here somewhere, even the ones from before j-troupe.

i feel like i should be crying, but there's no tears. i just feel empty and numb. the images of noah and jacquie keep flashing inside my head. her lips seducing his. his hands on her ass. the way she moaned 'i love you'. i was supposed to tell him that i loved him.

it was stupid of me to think that he was over her. they were together for so long. it would make sense for him to still feel something for her, but to cheat? i didn't think he'd sink that low.

a few moments later the memory of lola crawls into my brain. i don't know why i kissed her. i guess i thought that she'd kiss me back and we'd fall in love and live happily ever after, but life just doesn't work like that.

what she said was right though. i couldn't use her as a replacement for noah, or to get over him. that's cruel. i've hurt her enough.

i stay sitting on the concrete floor for a while. i don't know the time because my phone is in my dance bag, which is in my locker. but i feel safer curled up where no one can see me hurting, and no one can hear me cry over being such a fuck up.

but suddenly the door handle rattles, as if someone tried to open the door without realising it was locked. i perk my head up, and the lock clicks. you can only unlock the door from the outside with a key, so either someone's stolen emily's keys, or it's emily.

the door swings open, and emily stands in the door way, cardboard boxes in her arms. she sees me crumpled on the floor and jumps a little.

"richelle? what are you doing in here?" she asks, setting the boxes down.

i look up her, "pretending i don't exist," i say quietly.

"why would you be doing that?" emily asks. she sits down in front of me, crossing her legs.

"something happened. well, a few things happened."

"do you want to tell me?" emily asks gently.

i shrug. "sort of. you'd probably help. but i'm probably also going to tear the team apart, so it's okay if you hate me and kick me off the team," i say lifelessly.

emily's face goes pale. "noah got you pregnant... didn't he?" she whispers. she's not joking.

i almost laugh, but i can't bring myself to. i shake my head, "i'm pretty sure i'm not pregnant. you might have to ask jacquie though, because approximately an hour ago she was moaning 'i love you' while noah felt her up and made out with her. but you didn't hear that from me, because she does know i saw her."

emily takes my hand, "oh my god, richelle, are you okay?"

i shrug. "not really. that's not everything though," i say blandly, my eyes lifeless, "i kissed lola too, but she shoved me away and i think she hates me. our duet might not be very good anymore."

emily raises her eyebrows. "why did you kiss lola?"

i shrug again. "i like her. a lot."

emily looks surprised, but not as surprised as i thought she'd be. "you like girls?" she questions.

i nod. "i think so. actually, i know so. it's okay if you hate me."

"i don't hate you," emily says gently, "i could never hate you richelle. honestly, i always sort of thought you liked girls. i've known you since before you could do a pirouette, and i guess i just saw how you were around certain girls. abi, skylar, lola. i didn't say anything though. i've mistaken many straight girls for gay or bi before."

"what do you mean?" i question, referring to her last sentence.

"you know i'm dating michelle, right?"

"what? i didn't know that," i say, shocked.

"oh. i thought it was obvious. i guess not," emily shrugs, "but why did you just kiss lola?"

"i thought she'd kiss me back," i mumble.

"she doesn't like girls, does she?" emily asks gently.

i bite my lip. "she does. she likes me. but she shouted at me and told me she didn't want to be an experiment or a rebound."

"oh."

"it's understandable. i've hurt her enough. i've been an awful friend to her." i say quietly. tears begin to threaten.

"shh, you're an amazing friend to lola. richelle, has she told you about her sister?"

i nod gently.

"i thought she might of. so just try and think, you're hurting a lot, but she's hurting a lot too. you know lola's quiet and probably doesn't know how to show you how much she's hurting."

"oh... i see that now," i say quietly, "but what do i do about jacquie and noah?"

emily thinks for a few moments, "talk to noah. or jacquie. but talk calmly. just figure out what happened. you only know one side of the story."

"i guess..."

"are you okay now?" emily asks gently.

"i feel a bit better," i say quietly.

"good." she stands up and reaches her hands out to me. i grab her hands and she helps pull me up. she hugs me tightly for a few moments before breaking away. "you'll be okay, richelle."

"thanks, emily."

she starts sorting through the boxes, and i leave the costume closet. i want to talk to noah or jacquie, but i don't know where either of them are. i need to grab my phone from the locker room so i can text them.

i wander until i reach the locker room, only to find jacquie already there, perched cross-legged on the teal couch, smiling at something on her phone. i remember what emily said. stay calm.

"hey jacquie," i say gently. she looks up at me, looks back down at her phone, smirks, then looks back up at me.

"hiya," she says, a smug smile plastered on her face. that smirk.

i know what she's smirking about, and it makes my blood boil. all of the stay calm bullshit just leaves my body and i walk over to her.

she stands up, just as my hand collides with her cheek, creating an ear piercing slap.