"I'm fine!", The saying I use the most.
It's easier to tell people then open up to them, about what's really going on.
It's easier to pretend.
You convince yourself, your problems don't matter compared to the others.
That your problems aren't worth talking about, you don't need to cause any drama.
You hate your life, so you cover it up by saying, "I'm fine!".
You're used to saying it and pushing people away, because they don't stay long enough to truly care.
You hate how you truly feel stuck, trapped, in hell, or a prison cell with your wrists bound, like there's no escape.
No matter where you go or who comes into your life, you're alone.
But that's okay, you tell yourself,"I'm fine!".
You hate when other people say it, but you can't help saying it yourself.
"I'm fine!", Is anyone ever fine?
But people believe it, because they don't have a reason why not to.
But really they shouldn't.....
Someone asks," how are you?", You say,"I'm fine!".
Someone asks, "what's wrong?", You reply," nothing. I'm fine! Really!".
It's way too easy.
No one knows you enough, to truly know you aren't and question it.
When you don't eat," are you okay?","yeah I'm fine! Why you ask?".
When you don't join in the conversation," what's up?", " Nothing. I'm fine! Tired is all!".
But really you aren't.
You have insomnia, barely ever get enough sleep. Depression, you're sad and thinking of suicide most of the time. Anxiety, you're freaking out constantly, always worried about something. It feels like you're crawling out of your skin. Overwhelmed, with everything, school, friends, family, relationships especially. Stressed out, only so much you can and let before you explode. You feel sick to your stomach most of the time, probably because of the food you force down when people are around and then end up puking up later. You start skipping out on meals, eating snacks occasionally. You use cutting as an escape. It helps. Each time you do it and see the blood flowing, you say to yourself,"I'm fine!".
But are you really?
You spend so much time lying to yourself, that it hard to tell when it actually true.
You've had a bad past, you tell yourself,"I'm fine!".
You feel like committing suicide, and tell yourself,"I'm fine!".
You feel like falling apart, crying, and heartbroken, and tell yourself,"I'm fine!".
You feel like there's an empty void inside of you, "I'm fine!".
You feel shut out, "I'm fine!".
You feel like a failure, you disappoint everyone,"I'm fine!".
You feel like disappearing, "I'm fine!".
Put up a fake face,"I'm fine!".
Friends and family leave you,"I'm fine!".
You hate yourself, "I'm fine!".
You want to give up, stop the constant battling, "I'm fine!".
You wish there was nothing wrong with you, "I'm fine!".
"I'm fine!".
Boy are you wrong for actually believing it!!😭🤣😅😆
-H.S.W
