just a THICC trigger warning yeehaw
Shanes POV
god damnit
I woke up to a stinging pain in my arm. I sat up on my bed and examined my wrists. I had always cut before, so im a bit desensitized to the pain, but fucking hell. With all the stress of moving, my parents, and school, i had been cutting a lot this past week, last night being the worst.
"jesus fucking christ..." i said in shock.
I got up out of bed a looked for a sweatshirt or a jacket or anything that could cover my arms. I ended up finding a sweatshirt, which i was not excited about wearing.
The worst thing about moving to California was the heat. If you werent blessed with the sparce days of rain, you were stuck with being in fear of a heat stroke. A sweatshirt didnt help.
My dad was gone that morning, but he did scratch on the wall in front of my door the word 'fag'.
Great way to start the morning.
I walked outside after i finished getting ready, and Ryland was outside, waiting for me, like hes been doing for the past week.
"Ready to go, walking buddy?" He said with a sarcastic smile. I forced a smile back as i walk closer towards him.
"Ha.. yeah" I said. Even though i only met him a couple days ago, he already knew something was wrong.
"You sure? You- wait.. the fuck? Why are you wearing a sweatshirt? Its 90 fucking degrees out." He said, still smiling, but his tone growing concered.
I really couldnt think of any excuse. Its not like im gonna tell him the truth. Like, 'oH yEaH, iM jUst weAriNg a fUckIng sWeaT shIrt bEcuaSe mY wRisT iS sO cuT uP yOu woUlD sCreAm iF yOu sAw iT'. I dont want to put that stress on him.
So, I tried to come up with an excuse.
and boy am i great at improve
"Uhh... i.. Its cold.. in the school... yeah, its cold inside so i brought a sweatshirt." I stuttered, trying not to sound like im lying.
Ryland gave me a concerning look before turning around and starting to walk.
"Okay you dork... Hey, start walking. I dont wanna be late" He said, flashing his beautiful smile.
I caught up to him and we walked in silence for a few minutes, not awkward silence, but i guess we were both just lost in our thoughts.
"I just realised.. if youre wearing the sweatshirt because its cold in the school, why not wait to put it on until youre at school?" Ryland suddenly said, breaking the silence. I literally couldnt think of an excuse.
I really fucked up this time.
"I.. uhh" I stammered. Ryland looked up at me with concered eyes.
"Here- at least roll up the sleeves, i dont want you to die of heat str-" Ryland started as he grabbed my arm. And by the mercy of jesus fucking christ his nail dug into one of the open cuts through my sweat shirt.
"fUCK OW FUCK" I said ripping away my arm. Ryland flinched and fell back a couple steps as i winced in pain. He looked up at me, almost scared.
"Oh- Oh fuck.. im sorry.. im really sorry." Ryland said, panicking. "What.. hurt? I barely grabbed your arm" He asked
At this point i felt like the universe was trying to fuck me over, because at this moment, i really just wanted to curl up in a ball an die.
"I.. dont know." I said, trying to avoid eye contact. "Your nail just dug into my skin i guess.." I said, still clutching onto my own arm. I can see blood starting to seep through my sleeves.
"oh sorry, i didnt realise my nails were that long,,"
We walked in silence for a few minutes longer, and the re-opened cut was bleeding a lot. Enough to be dripping down my arm and off my fingers. I was trying so hard to cover up the fact that i had a open fucking wound on my arm, but obviously, Ryland did finally notice.
"hey, did you see morga- WHAT THE FUCK" Ryland said, grabbing my arm. "what the fuck happened??? are you okay??"
I couldnt think of an excuse. I didnt know what to do. If he found out about my cuts, he obviously wouldnt want to hang out with me. Ryland looked up at me expectingly, as if he was waiting for me to explain. I didnt know what to say to him, and tears started to spring into my eyes. Soon, i was having a full break down just minutes away from the school.
Ryland watched as i fell to the ground, crying my ass off.
"Sh.. Shane?? Whats wrong? Why.. why are you crying so hard? Why is it bleeding so much?" Ryland said frantically. "Does it hurt that bad? Here- let me see it"
Ryland looked up at me before hesitantly reaching for my arm and carefully holding it in his own. He looked up at me, almost like he was asking for permission. I avoided eye contact.
I felt as he carefully pulled up my sleeve, looking anxious, as if it was gonna bleed more.
so there we were.
sitting down on the hard sidewalk.
a trail of blood behind us.
and, well, look at that.
im done for.
a/n - tHA T E D GE EE WO AHHHHH
