Under the Sheets

Chapter Nine

"My dad's dead and I was missing you more than I missed him," Adam sounded bitter, then he took a deep breath, "I miss you constantly, it's like every step I take away from you physically hurts and it drives me crazy Rick, what should I do?"

I eyed him in disbelief and shock. That was quite the admission for our relatively new relationship. And I was the last person anyone should ask for advice. I just held him tighter, hoping to convey all the feelings and apologies I couldn't express. I stroked his back, neck and held his head to my shoulder as he cried, hoping it would be enough to soothe his pain.

When eventually his body stopped shaking he spoke again, "I don't even know why I'm so upset, my dad didn't give a shit about me."

It was true. Adam's father had left his mom when he was very young. When his mother died he was in junior high, and got placed at an orphanage in the city. It was pure coincidence that he happened to recognize his dad in the streets. He never did come to claim his son, all those years.

"He was a terrible person," Adam's voice cracked.

"He was still your father," I supplied, "You're allowed to grieve for him, scumbag or not, he was still somebody related to you."

He shivered as I spoke. "You're right... Now I feel as if I have no one. I'm all alone."

I squashed any confusion about my feelings down into a tight box, sealing its edges with every measure known to man. "You're not alone... You have me." His arms awkwardly returned my hug in the car seat. If he could purr he might have started.

He pulled away after a while to look at me with pleading grey eyes as he asked, "Can you stay with me tonight?" How could I possibly say no? I nodded and he kissed my cheek, smiling the smallest of smiles.

He must've been so weighed down, with the news of his father's death, then worrying about me. It was unfair to him to have to put up with it all but he seemed so much better now. Seeing him this way made my hands start to tremble on the wheel. How much power did Adam really give me over him? I had a feeling that he would bury his father and move on. But if I ever left him, what would happen to him?

I chewed on my lip as I drove and tried to focus extra hard on the road so I didn't have to talk to him. But he was mostly content to just sneak looks at me when he thought I wasn't looking.

"Chocolate Chip Mint?" He finally asked as we pulled into the parking lot of the local Dairy Queen. He remembered my flavours. I only got berry flavours and the chocolate chip mint when I came here while he would try all sorts of outlandish stuff that would've given me indigestion.

Sitting opposite him as he picked caramel covered cashews off the top of his ice cream made me impatient to be alone with him. He was easily the hottest guy sitting in the building. I had took his hand as we ordered the ice cream when I realised our cashier was eye raping him right in front of me. Some people had no scruples at all, I could swear he would've still written his number onto a napkin if Adam had started up couples' speech right there, ordering for me. Maybe it was childish of me but I smiled my brightest smile at him and rose a brow just for good measure.

"You're pretty hot when you're jealous, you know that?" He said, reading my mind. I viciously spooned ice cream into my mouth and he laughed when some got on my nose, reaching across with a napkin to wipe it off. "I guess you know how I feel now."

I frowned, stopping mid-scoop, "You're jealous?"

"Kael. I've always been jealous of Kael." He explained, looking uncomfortable for the first time. How long had he been having these thoughts eating at him? "He and you are so close, it's like he knows everything about you. I feel like I'm always trying to catch up when he already knows."

"That's ridiculous," I muttered, eating again.

"Is it really?" Adam looked at me, eyes earnest, asking, "You still didn't answer my question. How do you feel knowing he loves you?"

I felt attacked. Adam always wanted to talk. He thought it fixed everything but sometimes it was just poking a sore spot. It didn't feel like medicine, it felt like sadism. "I don't know! How am I supposed to feel, Adam, I can't say that I hate him, he's my best friend. I care about him."

He nodded slowly to himself, eyes soft and understanding. Always understanding. He's supposed to be furious with me. Where was all the anger of yesterday? "I can't really blame you. I don't think you could help caring for him, that's just part of who you are. Part of why I love you." He took a deep breath before continuing, "But I don't trust him."

I was on a slow train by comparison but I think I started to understand the direction this conversation was going. "So... you want something..."

"Move in with me," He blurted it out.

"What?" I panicked.

"Just, Rick, please. Think about it?" Adam pushed his ice cream away.

"How do you suggest I do that, exactly? I would break his heart," I reasoned.

"You always think about everyone else, Rick. For once, can it just be you? Just for once, please ask yourself and think about it. Would it be so bad living with me?" I felt like that was a trick question.

"Adam I don't know what living with you means..."

His face registered pain. "You still don't trust me? I would never force anything on you. Trust me when I say you would definitely have to make the first move, and even then I'll ask for your consent every two minutes after."

"That's not it," I thought of how to put it delicately. Adam didn't see me the way he should. I was broken. I might never recover. "What if I... don't feel like it... ever?"

Silence. I don't know what else I expected but I realised that I was waiting for him to say something and had shut my eyes. I peeked for his reaction and found him looking at me, waiting for me to open my eyes.

He was smiling. "You have no idea how much you just being there would mean to me do you?" When I didn't respond he continued, "I know my place is small, but I've been thinking we could even pick out a new place together. That way it's not just my place, it would be ours. I want that with you. Whatever it is you are worried about, believe me when I say that it isn't why I want to be with you."

I sighed. He was winning gradually. "I can't just up and leave. The rent Kael and I pay would be unfair to leave him just like that –"

"We find him a new roommate," Adam said.

"He would have to agree to it."

"His problem."

I rapped Adam's knuckles, he was getting much too excited and I hadn't even said yes. "You need to promise me you'll be nice to him. He doesn't deserve to be treated this way, and I don't like hurting him any more than will be necessary."

He rose his right hand, "I can draw blood and swear to it, just say you'll move in with me."

I nodded. "Yes. Yes, I'll move in with you."