Have you got your notepad? Pen? Good. I see you turned out professionally; that makes a good impression, you know, the manager will notice that. Let’s begin.
This here is the register. This is where you’ll be when there are customers. When there are no customers, you’ll be putting stock on the shelves in the front. Only the shelves in the front, where you can still see the register. At all times you must be able to see the register. You absolutely cannot take your eyes off the register or else something terrible might happen.
Moving right along. To operate the register, you need a key. The manager has this key. At the start of every day the manager must come along and use the key to turn on the register, at which point you may begin using it only for its intended purpose. You are not allowed to touch the key. Only the manager has access to the key. You cannot try to take the key to operate the register yourself or else something terrible might happen.
Ah, and a side note, as you can see, in the ceiling above the register, there are seven bulbous cameras, all pointed in your direction. These cameras are linked to a 24-hour monitoring system which records everything that happens at and around the register, and at any moment the manager or a member of the security team is watching one of the monitors. This is for your safety.
And we are clipping right along, as we go towards the back of the store, these are the back shelves. You will never come back here. However, other workers will. If you ever see the other workers, do not engage them in conversation; you both have jobs to do and the spheres of your jobs do not interact except in case of emergency.
In case of emergency, you may interact with the other workers and communicate to them that there is an emergency. They, having been here longer and their job spheres involving knowledge of a greater area of the store, have knowledge of the emergency exits. That knowledge is reserved for employees who have been here longer. The longer you are a part of our family company, the more knowledge will be granted to you. It’s all part of the benefits, you know, we want to weed out the people who are not serious about joining our family company for the long term. Short term workers don’t deserve the benefits of a family company, you know?
Back behind that door is the break room. Since you are a student, and only have time to work about six hours a day, you will not use the break room. The break room is reserved for 30 minute breaks which are only given to workers who work eight hours a day. You will, however, get a 15 minute break, which most workers spend outside the store, smoking. These breaks are optional, though, and many of our longer-term workers choose to forgo the 15 minute breaks in favor of getting work done. And anyway smoking causes cancer, and cancer is known to cause people to use up many of their sick days, and even get laid off, which no one wants.
Here is the office of management. You will never come back here unless you are summoned by management. You are not allowed to be in this office unless you are summoned by management, or graduate to the position of management (but that requires tenure of at least a year in many cases.) Many workers aspire to graduate to a management position but it’s rare to--ah, and here’s the manager! Mr. Peters, this is our recent hire--
Oh, dear, I can see Mr. Peters has intimidated you. Unfortunately many new hires are intimidated when they meet management. But you’re shaking your head. I’m sorry, is there an issue?
It’s not about him being a manager? You are clearly still wet behind the ears. That has everything to do with it. Managers are distinguishable by the skin covering their eyes and the completely smooth domed hairless surface of their heads and their red, red mouths with so many charismatic teeth. At our family company, we all are inspired by management. Imagine the benefits. No, don’t back up any farther. You need this job. Let me show you.
Do you see now? I realize that the wig was perhaps misleading. And my transition-lense glasses, truly superfluous. But look, look how far the skin has grown over my eyes, and the smoothness of my head, can you understand it now? I’m moving on up in the world and that’s why I was allowed to show you the ropes. These ropes right here. Now stand still please, or my knot will be less than perfect. No, don’t go through that door. There will be consequences if you try to open that door.
The young never learn. As you can see, it locks behind you automatically, and management has the key. At no point are you authorized to use the key to open the door. Only management is allowed to use the key to open the door, otherwise terrible things might happen.
