Phoenix

February 27

She woke up that morning, her pillow stained with her tears. It'd only been a day since she made her life changing decision and she still wasn't coping. After spending three years not being alone, solitude was all she knew for the past two days. Her phone wasn't the same, there was no good morning message to wake her up in better spirits. All she had on it was group messages from college talking about the assignment they had forgotten to do.

She sat straight up on the bed, leaning her head on the headboard slat. She inhaled and exhaled multiple times, thinking the hurt she had and the heartbreak were just part of a nightmare she was having. Her eyes were closed, and all she could replay in her mind, at the moment, was the way she ended things. She'd been as guilty as him, her mood and her strong character would be the ones to turn a toll on her. She'd fight too much, be possessive too much and was too insecure even if she tried not to be, her façade was weak.

She had ended things with the guy she thought was the love of her life through message, text message to be exact. She had written that she wished he'd find someone who could love him more than she did, knowing he wouldn't find the one because she loved him way too unhealthily even if she didn't prove it. She'd told him she wished him the best, did she really mean it? She thought she was the best for him. Replaying the scenario all over again, she'd thought he wouldn't answer or, if he would, he would at least hesitate and try to convince her she was delusional for making that decision. Little did she know, he answered back the same thing, wishing her the best, wishing she find a guy who loved her more than him cause she deserved someone better than him, someone who was not focused on something else rather than her. He only said he understood her decision and would give her what she wanted. That's when she collapsed, running to her room and throwing herself onto her bed, crying herself to sleep.

She had never been this vulnerable in her life. She vowed to pick up her broken pieces and make herself whole again. Just herself, not anyone else helping her along the way.

She'd given him everything. He was her day and night, her sun and moon and that was her downfall.

———————————————————————
Looking back three years, she noticed how insecure she had been, how she didn't actually love herself as she stated in all her social media accounts. She laughed at her vulnerability. She laughed at how she thought she couldn't live without him.

She graduated with honors. She was successful, she'd gotten a job and started to grow as a professional. She learned to live outside the box and without jumping into conclusions not giving anyone a chance to explain themselves. She learned to love herself, for real this time, boosting her confidence and trust in herself. She gave opportunities she wouldn't have given before. Her mind that was resembling a square had now turned into a rainbow. She survived, and that's where everyone feared her. They say those who are hurt are more dangerous, cause they know how to survive. She didn't depend on anything or anyone. She even gave herself the chance to go out on some dates. She knew she didn't need a guy to make her happy. She wanted to be happy with a guy. Her source of happiness wouldn't be from another being, she let it be from the biggest omnipresent being.

And that, just that, was everything to her.