Just a girl

Waking up

         I knew I had problems with mental health during my 7th grade year. I know, it sounds kind of classic for a middle schooler to think they have mental health issues but they don't. But I knew it somehow. It's like I was predicting the inevitable. I felt so alone, and sad all the time. I was a reck. But that's not the story I'm trying to tell.
      
          A lot of the people in my friend group suffered from mental health. There was Leah, who suffered from eating disorders and depression. Sometimes, I felt like she was the only person I could talk to about how much I hated my body. Angelica had eating disorders and anxiety. I could relate to her as well. Dakota and I both had major anxiety and depression issues, along with self harm tendencies. Amy had PTSD because of an accident when she was little. She was abducted and tortured for a year. Nicole was most likely depressed, but she never opened up to any of us. She was quiet all the time. And then there was me.
      
          I didn't think I needed help, but they did everything they could to keep me protected. I thought I was fine, but they knew me better than I knew myself. Then, one day, I woke up.

         Dakota was sleeping over that night, along with Leah. They both were my two closest friends, and they made me so happy. We all ate a lot that day, and when you put three people who all hate their bodies in the same room, nothing good is bound to happen.

       I walked into the bathroom, a blade under my coat pocket. "I'll be back in a minute, guys." I called back. As soon as I got into the room, I locked the door and pulled out the steak knife. My hands were shaking by the time I was done. I rolled down my sleeve, hid the knife, and came back up.
      
      They smiled when I came back into the room. I was walking over Leah, who was lying down, when a red drop hit hit her white tank top. They both immediately went silent. All I could hear was the slow, soft sounds of breathing.

   "Show me your arm, Erin." Leah asked. I shook my head, and she grabbed my wrist. I winced in pain as she pulled up my sleeve and examined my cuts up and down. I opened my mouth to say something before I was surrounded in hugs. Dakota's shoulder was up against my mouth, so I couldn't breathe. I felt pain. This gift I have is a curse.

       I pulled away before I heard any more thoughts.